Thursday, December 27, 2012

Ryan’s Massage Day part 2

Ryan’s Massage Day part 1


Ryan was comparing his massage experience to mine, but I pointed out that things in Hong Kong and Fuzhou are sometimes very different. You would think they’re the same country, but they’re often not. In some ways, they might as well be different cultures. He was also a first time customer at a place he’d never been to before, and I go to my place all the time. Everybody there recognizes me and I know most of their names. My primary masseuse is a personal friend of mine.

He still seemed upset and eventually told me that the girl giving him his massage also gave him a hand job. He said it happened before he knew what was happening. When she was rubbing his legs while he was on his stomach, her hands sometimes went a little higher than he expected, but he thought it was just an accident. With the towel on, you can’t really tell where the legs end and the butt begins. When he was on his back, she had the same accident, but it quickly went from accidentally grazing his balls to full on grabbing his dick. He says he stopped her before it went too far, but I think it already went too far.

I was beyond upset when he told me, but the more I think about it, the more I believe his side of the story. First of all, he doesn’t have a thing for Chinese girls. Plenty of foreign men here do. That might be why a great many of them come here. But Ryan’s type is taller, paler, less conservative, more independent, with larger breasts. Essentially me. He thinks all Chinese hookers have AIDS. Some of them must, but the way the Chinese government handles things, we’ll never know any real statistics.

Ryan is a breast man and hates implants. He says they feel like rocks, even though he’s never actually felt any. I’m no Jane Russell, but bigger than the typical Chinese girl. His Chinese is terrible. I guess that doesn’t matter with hookers, but Ryan likes to talk during sex and he would hate knowing that the girl he’s talking to doesn’t understand a word he’s saying. He’s a man, so he thinks whatever he’s saying is important.

More importantly, he told me about it. He didn’t have to. I would have never found out. I’m not friends with his friends in Fuzhou, and he’s pretty much let go of his Hong Kong friendships. He could tell all of his band mates in China and none of them would ever tell me. They’d probably all say “bros before hoes”, high five each other and scratch their crotches. If he’s cheating on me, there’s no way he would tell me about this.

I’m still upset that some Chinese whore grabbed my boyfriend’s dick, but I suppose it could have been worse. He felt guilty about it and said he went home and took a long shower. He’s too paranoid about getting diseases from a hand job to cheat on me.

At least now I know why it was so expensive. A real massage in Fuzhou probably costs a lot less. The next time he gets a massage, he’s going with me.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Saturday, December 22, 2012

2012

Wasn’t the world supposed to end yesterday? I keep going to work, so it must still be here.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Ryan’s Massage Day part 1

I get foot massages at least twice a month, sometimes three times. It’s more than a foot massage. They also do my legs, but they call it a foot massage. The main part for me is the leg massage. My friend, Amy, is the one doing the actual massage. She knows what I like and she knows to concentrate on my legs more than my feet. Sometimes I get my shoulders done and I’ve had a few full body massages, but it’s mostly my legs and feet. After dancing all day in Belle’s big yellow dress – which is not light, let me tell you – or some funky Aladdin pants, my legs need a good rub down. When I talk to Ryan right after I’ve had a massage, I always tell him how great it is. Whenever he complains about being sore or tense, I tell him to get a massage.

Ryan is a guy. So going to spas is out of the question. Real men don’t get facials, and have you ever seen a man at a hair salon? I’m sure some do somewhere in the world, but not where I’m from. Minnesota men wash their hair with rocks and comb it with wagon wheels. Maybe not that extreme, but they’re never girly about hair maintenance. It took me a while to convince Ryan that getting a massage will in no way emasculate him and that working out those sore muscles might even feel good.

Unfortunately, I don’t know any places in Fuzhou. I have a regular place in Hong Kong where Amy works her magic on me, but I can’t recommend any place in the rest of China. I can’t even recommend a place in the rest of Hong Kong. The people Ryan hangs out with are not the spa treatment types, so they were no help. When I finally convinced Ryan to go get a massage, he was on his own.

When he came back from his first Chinese massage, maybe even his first professional massage ever, he asked me a lot of questions. He wanted to know what I wear when I’m getting a massage, what exactly they do and how much it all costs. I didn’t want to tell him how much it costs since I really don’t want him to know how much money I spend pampering myself. It’s not a great deal of money, but it is a luxury. My legs work hard for a living and they deserve a good massage, but I could live without it.

His massage was more expensive, which surprised me since everything is cheaper on the mainland. Then again, I get legs and feet, while he got full body. It should cost more, but I was still surprised by how much more. You also have to consider that foreigners usually pay a higher price for everything in China. I don’t get ripped off where I go, but that might only be because I’m a regular customer. Maybe it’s because I know how to haggle. If you buy anything for the initial price in China, you will get robbed.

When I get a leg massage, I either take off my pants or just lift my skirt a little. I’m not anything close to naked, and fully clothed from the waist up. I get topless when they do my shoulders, but they have towels for modesty. Ryan was surprised that they wanted him to get fully naked, but I told him that’s normal for a full body massage. The towel covers your butt and it’s a lot easier for them to oil you up. You don’t want clothes on when you’re getting an oil massage.

He wanted to know how they rub the muscles and what they do, so I told him. It probably takes a long time to learn how to be a really good masseuse, but the basic concept is pretty simple – work the muscles until they are not as tense.



Sunday, December 16, 2012

Connecticut Shooting

I keep hearing about how bad the United States is, how Americans are so arrogant, we always invade every country in the world and we’re always telling everybody else what to do. I always defend the United States because it’s my home. We’ve got our share of problems, but we’re also the country everyone goes to for help. If there’s a disaster anywhere in the world, American aid is sent. If some country attacks some other country, American troops are sent. Need food, medicine, protection? The United States probably helped your country at some point in time. Some people might hate the United States, but even more look up to us as the most powerful country in the world. That power didn’t come by default. We had to work at it. There are countries with more oil, more water, more land, more people. We made it to the top through a combination of determination, opportunity, watching Europe destroy itself, and a lot of hard work. It’s no coincidence that more people immigrate to the United States than any other country.

Then some idiot goes into a school and shoots a bunch of children. This doesn’t happen in other countries, at least not at such a large scale and so often. I really don’t know what the problem is. Some people will blame guns, but other countries have plenty of guns and they don’t shoot each other. I read that 90% of people in Switzerland have access to guns. I’ve never heard of a school shooting in Switzerland.

Some people even say we need more guns. I don’t see how that would help anything. If everybody had a gun, it wouldn’t be like a movie where the good guys shoot the bad guys. It would be like real life where too many people shoot too many other people. If everybody had a gun and only half of the people miss, it would still be a bloodbath.

Some people try to say it’s all the immigration. We’re so violent because we have such a melting pot of people. That’s just stupid. A lot of countries have people from all over the world. We’re hardly the only one. Europe is a melting pot, but I never hear about school shootings there. Canada and Australia have immigrants running around all over the place. When is there ever a school shooting in Canada or Australia?

Some people point to our violent past as a way to explain our violent present. They say the old west was a big free for all and some of that attitude is still around. But the old west wasn’t really the anarchy of the movies, and most of the world has a violent past. Europe has been at war since the beginning of time up until just a few decades ago. The history of Asia is one long list of wars and crimes against humanity. And there are far more people living in cramped conditions. When was the last time there was a school shooting anywhere in Asia?

I really don’t know why this keeps happening. I know most Americans would never dream of shooting children. It’s the very small minority who are giving us all a bad name. I also know it’s a lot more important to help the children who have to deal with this than to blame whatever politician you don’t like. By turning these school shootings into a political issue, we are guaranteeing that it will not be solved any time soon. Americans can be counted on to get the job done, as long as it’s not political. Once you bring politics into it, any movement in any direction comes to a screeching halt. If the moon landing had turned into a political issue with Democrats for and Republicans against, Russia would have landed on the moon. If Republicans had opposed airplanes for religious reasons or Democrats opposed them for safety reasons, the Wright Brothers would have stuck with bicycles. If you want adults to stop shooting children, you have to make it a human issue, not a political one.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

My First Real Movie part 4

When everyone and all the equipment were ready, we did the first take. I was awesome, not that it takes much to show someone to their table. The director didn’t like it and talked to the star. He seemed to be happy with me. He never really said much to me in English. Mostly “yes”, “no”, “ok” and “go again”. I didn’t get a lot of direction, but it wasn’t about me. The tension in the scene was between the good guy, whom I was taking to his seat, and the bad guy, who was already sitting in the background.

We stopped in the middle of the second take because someone knocked over one of the lights. The director was annoyed, but calm. The restaurant was a cramped space for so much equipment. He stopped the third take for some reason. I suppose he didn’t like something. He never complained about me, at least as far as I know.

Another take was killed when the star tripped and fell down. He’s supposed to be an action hero and he couldn’t walk to his table. I thought it was funny, but I didn’t laugh. Who knows how he or the crew would have reacted to the foreigner laughing at the big movie star. I’m new to movies, but I’m not stupid. I’m also acutely aware that any time an actor ruins a take, that only costs the production even more money.

This seemed to go on forever. We would stop in the middle because something went wrong or we would make it all the way through but the director didn’t like it. Either the sound was off or the lighting was bad or he didn’t like the way the camera moved. It was always something. It got pretty tedious after a while. In the theater, you do the same play repeatedly, but stretched out over days. Rehearsals can drag on, but the show is non-stop. In movieland, it’s the same scene over and over again in just a few hours. You work for a few minutes, wait for what seems like hours, work for a few more minutes and wait again. I got tired of showing that guy to his table. The funny part is, this was only the beginning of the scene. All the main action came later. I don’t know when they’re filming that, but I bet it takes a long time.

Eventually, we got a complete take that the director liked that didn’t have any technical problems. The director was very happy. He thanked me, and the wardrobe woman took me back to the dressing room. Some of the extras went back as well. They seemed to be in a hurry to get rid of us. Maybe they were filming the rest of the scene that day. Maybe the restaurant needed to open. I don’t know. I didn’t meet anybody that day who felt like they owed me any explanations.

It was all over in four hours. I waited weeks for this and now it’s done. They’re supposed to tell me when the movie comes out later. They’re still filming, so it could be a while. There’s a lot I don’t know. I still don’t know why they wanted a foreigner for that scene. A Chinese actor could have done it just as easily.

Now I just wait for Steven Spielberg to call me.

After about four hours on set, I was on my way to Paisano’s to get some pizza before going home. I had spent all morning in a restaurant, but I needed to go somewhere else to get something to eat.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

My First Real Movie part 3

I’m in a movie. How many people will see it? I don’t know. Probably not many outside of Hong Kong. Am I the star? Not at all. I was on set for four hours, and that’s it. I’m done. I don’t know how much screen time I’ll have. It could be a minute. I’m only in one scene and I’m not even in most of it. It’s mostly a big fight scene that they’re going to shoot later. My part was before the fight.

I got to the set at 6am. The set was a real restaurant that was closed. I thought I was going to have a hard time convincing security that I was supposed to be there, but they knew who I was right away. Not because I’m a big star, but because I’m the only foreigner in the scene. I played the hostess of the restaurant. I don’t know why they wanted a foreigner. And realistically, anyone could have gotten through that security if they wanted to.

Someone took me to makeup, which was a small room in the back of the restaurant. There were no dressing rooms, since we were on location, and I never saw any trailers for the stars. I don’t know where you would park a trailer on a Hong Kong street. There were a few women doing hair and makeup for several actors in the room. Everyone was speaking Chinese and it all seemed pretty hectic. There was a lot of pointing and gesturing me where to go.

One of the makeup women pointed me to another small room and the wardrobe woman gave me my costume. There was a big room divider in the middle of what was more or less a dressing room. The men were on one side and the women on the other. It was kind of funny that everyone was getting into costume when most of them were just wearing regular street clothes. Even I could have worn my own clothes if they’d told me to wear a business outfit.

They put everyone into position and I met the director. He seemed pretty busy. There wasn’t a lot of chit chat. He told me where to go and when to say my lines. That’s called blocking in English. I have no idea what they call it in Chinese. I met the star of the movie, who was greeted enthusiastically by pretty much everyone on set. I still don’t know who he is. He’s the only other actor I worked with directly, aside from walking around extras.

We did a slow rehearsal for the crew, so all the camera, lighting and sound guys could get everything in all the right positions. Then we did a quick rehearsal for the director. He seemed satisfied, but there was some kind of problem with the camera. While we waited around for them to fix it, everyone was talking to each other in Chinese and I was floating around in a daze. I did some student films in Minnesota. They were nothing like this.

On a completely unrelated note, today is 12/12/12. I do it the American way – 12/12/12, but here in Hong Kong they do 12/12/12. Computer people probably prefer 12/12/12.



Monday, December 10, 2012

My First Real Movie part 2

Tomorrow I’m going to the set of my first real movie. It’s a tiny part. I play the hostess of a restaurant where the good guy and bad guy meet. There’s a big fight scene, but I’m just in the beginning where I show the good guy to his table.

I’m not really sure what to expect. I’m used to working on stage. This scene will be filmed in a real restaurant. I’m used to performing in front of an audience. This will be in front of a camera and crew. I assume the restaurant will be closed, so no audience.

They gave me the part of the script with my two lines, so I’m ready to go. It wasn’t hard to memorize.

I’m nervous, but mostly excited. It’s nothing much, but it’s a big deal to me.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

John Lennon

1940-1980


We're playing those mind games together
Pushing the barriers, planting seeds
Playing the mind guerrilla
Chanting the mantra peace on earth

We all been playing those mind games forever
Some kinda Druid dudes lifting the veil
Doing the mind guerrilla
Some call it magic, the search for the grail

Love is the answer and you know that for sure
Love is a flower, you got to let it grow

So keep on playing those mind games together
Faith in the future out of the now
You just can't beat on those mind guerrillas
Absolute elsewhere in the stones of your mind

We're playing those mind games forever
Projecting our images in space and in time

Yes is the answer and you know that for sure
Yes is surrender, you got to let it go

So keep on playing those mind games together
Doing the ritual dance in the sun
Millions of mind guerrillas
Putting their soul power to the karmic wheel

Keep on playing those mind games forever
Raising the spirit of peace and love
I want you to make love, not war
I know you've heard it before

Friday, December 7, 2012

Pearl Harbor

“Yesterday, December 7, 1941 – a date which will live in infamy – the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.

“The United States was at peace with that nation and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with its government and its emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace in the Pacific. Indeed, one hour after Japanese air squadrons had commenced bombing in the American island of Oahu, the Japanese ambassador to the United States and his colleagues delivered to our Secretary of State a formal reply to a recent American message. While this reply stated that it seemed useless to continue the existing diplomatic negotiations, it contained no threat or hint of war or of armed attack.

“It will be recorded that the distance of Hawaii from Japan makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time, the Japanese government has deliberately sought to deceive the United States by false statements and expressions of hope for continued peace.

“The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces. I regret to tell you that very many American lives have been lost. In addition, American ships have been reported torpedoed on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu.

“Yesterday, the Japanese government also launched an attack against Malaya. Last night, Japanese forces attacked Hong Kong. Last night, Japanese forces attacked Guam. Last night, Japanese forces attacked the Philippine islands. Last night, the Japanese attacked Wake Island. And this morning, the Japanese attacked Midway Island. Japan has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the Pacific area. The facts of yesterday and today speak for themselves. The people of the United States have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our nation.

“As commander in chief of the army and navy, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense. But always will our whole nation remember the character of the onslaught against us. No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.

“I believe that I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost, but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us.

“Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory and our interests are in grave danger. With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph, so help us God.

“I ask that the Congress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Japan on Sunday, December 7, 1941, a state of war has existed between the United States and the Japanese Empire.”

--President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 12/8/1941



Pearl Harbor National Memorial

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Paisano's Pizza





People have been asking me where Paisano’s Pizza is. I guess I mentioned it somewhere and now everyone wants to know where to find it. There are three or four in Hong Kong and they’re talking about opening two more – Stanley Market and Causeway Bay. Those are not open yet as far as I know.

There’s one at Wan Chai on the corner of Thomson Road and O’Brien. It’s closest to exit A5, but if you get off there, you’re on one of those overhead pedestrian walkways and you can’t see it with all the buildings and trees. If you keep walking, you’ll miss it. You have to immediately go down, even though you just went up from the MTR. Once you’re at ground level, turn left and it’s right in front of you. A better way if you don’t know the area is exit A3. Turn left on O’Brien as soon as you exit the station. That’s the much smaller of the only two streets you can see from the exit. If you walk into traffic and large buses, that’s Johnston Road. Don’t go that way. But if you do, keep going straight and you’ll hit Tai Yuen Shopping Street, at the far end of which is a decent bakery. Otherwise, once you’re on O’Brien, you’ll see Paisano’s half a block straight in front of you. It’s right there out in the open. You don’t have to go into any other buildings to find it.

There’s one at Tsim Sha Tsui on Granville Road in The One department store, not even a block from Nathan Road. The One starts on Nathan. From exit B2, make a u-turn toward the big mosque, turn right on Nathan, which is the first street a few feet away, and another right on Granville.

There’s one in Soho on Hollywood Road about two blocks from Pizza Express, just under the “longest escalator in the world”. It’s really a few escalators. You can’t get to it from the escalators, but it’s an easy walk from the Central MTR exit D2. Just turn left from the station, cross Queen's Road while keeping straight on D’Aguilar for two blocks, turn right on Wellington Street and walk uphill for one block, turn left onto the alleyway. I don’t know if it has a name, but that intersection has four options – two proper streets and two staired alleys. The stairs going downhill might look more inviting, but that’s the wrong way. After a full block up the stairs, turn right on Hollywood Road. You’ll see the escalators in front of you. Paisano’s is just before that. You could take any number of alternate streets to get there, but it’s uphill from the station no matter what you do.

From the Sheung Wan station exit E2, turn left and cut through the Millennium Plaza – with the fancy staircase. On the other side of the fountain, cross Queen’s Road and turn left on Wellington Street, walk uphill for a full block, keep walking for another two blocks downhill – past Pizza Express, turn right, uphill, on Cochrane Street – directly under the escalators, walk uphill for a block, cross Lyndhurst Terrace and keep going straight/uphill/under the escalators until you hit the next street. That’s Hollywood Road. Paisano’s is to your immediate left.

I’ve heard there’s one in Discovery Bay. It’s supposed to be really close to Disneyland, but I’ve never seen it.


Monday, December 3, 2012

My First Real Movie part 1

I start shooting my first real movie next week. I’m supposed to be on the set by 6am. That’s pretty early in Hong Kong, but not very early in the movie world. It’s not really a set either. We’re filming in a real restaurant. I was hoping to do it on a sound stage, but this is good, too.

The production assistant who I’ve been talking to asked me if I was excited about working with these big time Hong Kong movie stars, but I’ve never heard of them. They’re probably famous in Hong Kong movies, but I don’t watch those. Maybe I should now.

I’m excited anyway. I’m going to be in a real movie.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Very Inspiring



I’ve been nominated for a very inspiring blogger award. I don’t know what that means. I’m sure my blog has never inspired anyone. Has any blog ever inspired anyone? But as they say, it’s an honor just to be nominated.

Rule #1 – Post the award logo. No problem. I can do that.
Rule #2 – Link back to the person who nominated me. Ok – http://housewifedownunder.wordpress.com
Rule #3 – List seven things about me. Oy vey.

My resume says dancer/singer if I’m trying out for a mostly dancing part and singer/dancer if I’m trying out for a mostly singing part. I consider myself more a dancer than anything else. I also do a little acting, but that’s usually in conjunction with singing and/or dancing. I have studied lyrical, jazz, tap, contemporary, ballet, Baroque, Flamenco, and Gaelic and First Nations folk dances enough to put them on my resume. Vocally, I am a coloratura mezzo-soprano and have been working on my lower register.

Drums were my first instrument and I learned scales on piano so I could practice singing without an accompanist. I never did anything organized in jr high, but played quads and alto sax in my high school marching band, drums and soprano sax in the jazz band, and tenor and alto sax in the concert band.

I took French in high school. Or j’ai pris le français au lycée. What I don’t remember would make my teacher say mon dieu.

I love cheese. I grew up in Minnesota, which may not officially be the cheese capital of America, but we tell ourselves it is. So naturally, I moved to Hong Kong, where cheese is never the first thing on the menu. I got a big box of American cheese for Christmas last year. It was one of the best Christmas gifts ever.

My family tree can be traced back to 12th century Scotland. I’ve never been to Scotland, but I know about our clan, coat of arms, tartans, motto and family history. One of my ancestors helped form the Chattan Confederation. We were big shots a very long time ago, but lost most of it by taking the wrong sides in a few wars. My grandfather was really into all of that and taught me everything he knew about it. I don’t like to talk about my family, but I have great memories of my grandfather. He was a professional jazz drummer and before that, was an army sergeant with the 1st Infantry Division and part of the first wave that landed on Omaha Beach on D-Day.

I was born near and raised in Minnesota, but I don’t have the stereotypical accent that people who know nothing about Minnesota expect me to have. Most of us don’t. It’s only some people in small towns up north and in movies. Though inaccurate for the sake of comedy, Fargo was still a great movie. But I do sometimes say “oh yah”, “boughten” and “what the hockey sticks”, as in H-E-double hockey sticks. I also know what a popple is and always wore Sorels, choppers and a toque to climb them.

I used to own three pairs of choppers. Now I have none. It’s never cold enough here anyway. This isn’t interesting or inspirational, but I guess I’m not interesting enough to come up with seven things.

Rule #4 – Nominate 15 other blogs. That’s the hardest part. I don’t read 15 other blogs. I don’t even know about 15 other blogs. So here are a few I’ve read and a few I just found at random. I don’t think randomly listing blogs is in the true spirit of this thing, but 15 is a lot of blogs.

http://thisgirlsaysow.blogspot.com – American girl in Denmark
http://reykjavikharbor.blogspot.com – American girl in Iceland
http://www.americangirlinjordan.blogspot.com – American girl in Jordan
http://jordanasimone7.blogspot.com – American girl in Israel
http://meirabaterachaim.blogspot.com – Israeli girl who’s a soldier in the air force
http://architart.blogspot.com – American in Hong Kong
http://www.mywanderinglife.com – American in Shanghai
http://meigourenadventures.blogspot.com – I think this guy is a famous writer, but he doesn’t give his name
http://www.landofnocheese.com – Hong Kong photo blog with a lot of pictures
http://www.hongkongblong.com – Weird things about Hong Kong
http://thehungryegghead.com – I don’t know anything about this one, but it’s got a lot of Hong Kong pictures

Rule #5 – Notify these bloggers. I can do that.

That’s enough inspiration for now.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Thanksgiving 2012

I never mentioned Thanksgiving. It was on my birthday this year, so I sort of did. It falls on my birthday every once in a while. I was born on Thanksgiving. I don’t think my mother ever forgave me for that.

This year’s Thanksgiving I was by myself. Ryan is in Fuzhou, Lily and Kevin are in Canada, all of my friends that are actually in Hong Kong had to work or do other things. Last year we went to a fancy restaurant for a special Thanksgiving meal. It really didn’t feel like Thanksgiving to me. Peking duck and noodle soup are not Thanksgiving to me. The worst part about Hong Kong is that there’s no pumpkin pie anywhere. But at least we did something together.

I know you’re supposed to develop your own traditions for the holidays when you live in a foreign country, but I haven’t come up with anything yet. I can’t make my own meal and invite everyone over since my kitchen is the same size as the desk I’m typing this on, and my apartment can only comfortably fit one or two people. I haven’t found a good Thanksgiving restaurant yet, but I’m working on it.

Monday, November 26, 2012

My China Trip part 9

Hong Kong is in China, but China is very different from Hong Kong. Americans, and most people, can go to Hong Kong without a visa. Everyone needs a visa to go to Mainland China. Even people living in Hong Kong need a visa to go to the Mainland. It’s the same country, but different governments. From here on, I will just call Mainland China “China” so I don't have to type “Mainland” over and over, even though Hong Kong is in China.

In Hong Kong, anyone can drive anywhere at any time. In China, there are curfews and you can only drive on certain days based on your car’s license plate. They let you know which day you’re allowed to drive.

In Hong Kong, you can have as many children as you want. In China, they have that one child policy. But they are talking about abolishing it, and whether it stays or goes, there are so many exceptions that millions of couples have more than one child. Either way, everybody wants to have a boy. I guess no one thinks about what will happen when there are only boys in China and no more girls.

In Hong Kong, it’s perfectly legal to be gay, though frowned upon. And apparently, there are quite a lot of lesbians. Enough to have club outings, at least. They’re a friendly bunch. In China, it’s all illegal. Gay nude beach day in China will land you in prison. I wonder what they’ll do in 30 years when everyone under 20 is a boy.

In Hong Kong, we have Chinese food from all over the world. You can get pretty much anything if you know where to look. I’ve been here almost two years and I’m still looking. In China, it’s mostly Chinese food. It’s good and cheap, but there’s not much variety. McDonald’s and KFC are all over the place, but that’s about it when it comes to something that’s not Chinese.

I always thought the people in Hong Kong were rude. They walk right into you. Nobody ever moves out of anyone’s way. If I’m walking in a straight line, I have to move for people walking all over the place. If I’m carrying something, I have to move for people who aren’t carrying anything. I see people with luggage, strollers and babies moving for people who are only holding their cell phones. Everyone in Hong Kong is holding a cell phone. They are all talking on them while slamming into everyone else. It’s like none of the millions of people walking the streets are aware that millions of other people exist.

Where I come from, people don’t slam into each other. If they do, it’s an accident, and we will always apologize. We always step aside for people carrying heavy things. We’ll even help them sometimes. We always – always – give someone with a baby the right of way. That’s non-negotiable. You move for the handicapped and people with babies. You don’t see handicapped people in Hong Kong. I don’t know why, but there are plenty of mothers with babies. No one seems to care about crashing into them.

It’s even worse in China. Hong Kong is polite compared to China. People say it’s because there are more people in China. There are. China has a lot of people, but Hong Kong is not exactly empty. China has over a billion people in the same amount of space as the United States, but Hong Kong has 7 million people in the same amount of space as Indianapolis, and Indianapolis has less than a million people.

Everyone smokes in Hong Kong and China. I think smoking is repulsive. It’s not only bad for the smoker, it’s bad for anyone near the smoker. Too many Americans like to smoke, but at least we have places where you can get away from smoke. There are very few non-smoking places in Hong Kong. From what I saw, there are absolutely no non-smoking places in Fuzhou. People in Hong Kong and China don’t think twice about blowing their smoke right in your face. They care less about poisoning others than about walking into them.

But China takes it to the next level. Everyone in China spits. All the time. That might sound like an extreme exaggeration. Especially since I only went to one city for one week. But every single person in the entire country of China spits in public every second of every day from birth until death. I couldn’t believe it. Fully grown adult men and women were spitting everywhere. There are signs in elevators telling people not to spit because they do, right there in the elevator. I finally realized why Chinese people always take off their shoes when they go home. They spend all day walking around in everyone’s spit. It always looks like it just rained because the streets are always wet. It’s the most disgusting thing ever. You can’t get away from it. Like smoking, it’s everywhere. You can’t look away when you see someone spitting because wherever you look, there’s someone else spitting. I don’t know what it is about Chinese people that fills their mouths with constant saliva, maybe all the constant smoking, but they can’t stop spitting. I’m getting sick just thinking about it.

Friday, November 23, 2012

My 22nd Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday. I didn’t do anything special. Ryan’s in China, just as he was for his birthday. When I went there last week that was kind of for both of our birthdays.

I didn’t have to work, but all of my friends did or are out of town. Lily went back to Canada because her dad had a heart attack a few days ago. Kevin just left. Amy had to work all night. Even Ryan worked that night.

On his birthday, I did a special strip tease on Skype for him. I guess it was a Skypetease. He really liked it. We didn’t do anything on my birthday because he worked all night. By the time he got off, I was asleep.

I wanted to get a massage in the afternoon, but Amy worked the night shift. If she’s not there, I don’t bother. She’s the best and knows what I like. So I spent most of the day doing e-mail and catching up on chores. At night, I took some Tim Ho Wan home and watched Singin’ in the Rain on DVD. It’s hard to have a pity party when you’re watching Singin’ in the Rain. There’s just too much joy in those performances. Debbie Reynolds had a hard life later on, but she was really lucky to be working with those guys when she was so young. She was younger when she did it than I am now.



Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Living with Lily part 6

Lily’s dad had a heart attack. He’s ok, but Lily went back to Canada to be with him. She’s really worried, but she also keeps saying the doctors think everything will be fine.

Kevin couldn’t get off work so quickly, so he stayed here, but he’s going to see them as soon as he can. Lily just went as soon as she heard about it, work be dammed. I’m not sure how I’d react in that situation. If it was Ryan’s dad, I would go home immediately. He’s been more like a father to me than my own.

I hope everything works out. The doctors say he’ll be fine, but you never know. A heart attack isn’t a hiccup.

Monday, November 19, 2012

My China Trip part 8

The main pedestrian shopping mall.
Very touristy, with mostly knick knacks.


What counts as an appetizer in a fancy Chinese restaurant.
I could make that.


Very good pumpkin soup.


A famous temple with a river running through it.


Christmas in Fuzhou.


It was too early to see if the Chinese really care about Christmas,
but it’s never too early for Christmas shopping.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

My China Trip part 7

I always used to wonder what it would be like to go to China. Growing up in Minnesota, China is an exotic land very far away from anything we knew. Living in Hong Kong has taught me a lot about Chinese culture and I’ve seen all kinds of food you never see in an American Chinese restaurant, but you don’t get the full Chinese experience. Hong Kong is not a closed communist society. It’s very open and extremely capitalist. In some ways, Hong Kong is a giant shopping mall. A lot of people speak English in Hong Kong. Most of them make a lot of mistakes, and sometimes it’s pretty funny, but you can live in Hong Kong without knowing much Chinese.

When I used to think of China, I thought about the Great Wall and Tiananmen Square. I thought about repression and censored internet. When I went to Mainland China, I didn’t go anywhere near the Great Wall. Fuzhou is 1,000 miles away. I didn’t spend any time online, but Ryan has confirmed that there’s plenty of censorship. He can’t get the kind of porn he can get in Hong Kong. He says it’s all censored in China. I should be happy about that, but I’d rather have my boyfriend surf for porn online than look around offline. If we only see each other every three months, I’d rather have him enjoy the pleasure of his computer than troll the streets.

The only thing I noticed when I went to Fuzhou was the repression. It’s probably not as bad as it used to be, but you can tell the people are not entirely comfortable. There’s a public uneasiness you don’t get other places. I can’t properly describe it. People stare at me in Hong Kong. Children stare and point. My race and hair are a curiosity, despite all the foreigners all over the place. No one stared at me in Fuzhou. In fact, most people looked down or averted their eyes whenever they walked past me. Hong Kong feels nothing like the United States, but if feels like a free place. Fuzhou simply does not.

Fuzhou has plenty of shopping malls, though it’s nothing compared to Hong Kong. There’s a large pedestrian shopping street downtown and a large mall with all kinds of small Chinese stores. McDonald’s and KFC are all over the place. I thought Hong Kong had a lot of McDonald’s, but I think Fuzhou has more. There was practically one on every block. It’s ridiculous.

Taxis are very cheap, about half the Hong Kong price just to get in and less than half for every mile. I thought the driver was trying to rip us off when he wanted $2 more than what the meter read, but Ryan said that’s an extra charge for gas. You always pay $2 more than the meter. Unless Ryan’s been getting ripped off all this time. I think it could probably be either or.

Ryan took me to a small lake in the middle of the city. We walked around it and it was all very romantic, but to be honest, we spent most of the time in his bedroom. I’m sure there’s plenty to see and do in Fuzhou, but after three months apart, we had to make up for lost time. Maybe I should have spent more time exploring the city, but I was perfectly happy spending time with Ryan exploring me. I want to say that the next time I go back I’ll see more, but we’ll probably spend just as much time on top of each other.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Untitled

I added titles to all of my posts because Blogger changed the whole system. I didn’t want titles because I wanted this to be like a diary. Who puts titles on their diary entries? But the new Blogger layout makes it harder without titles. I guess they assume everyone has them. So now I have titles. It’s nothing fancy. I was just going to number them all, but then I noticed that I have several posts broken up into different parts. I don’t really like the titles, but I don’t feel like changing them right now.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

My China Trip part 6

Typical Chinese dinner
Everything’s fried and greasy and there’s enough to feed an army.


West Lake Park gate


West Lake Park statues


West Lake Park statue


Tea Museum
The sign says you’re not supposed to take pictures. Everyone else did.


I didn’t understand the story, but they were pretty good.
I like how they combine acting, singing & dancing and it all flows seamlessly.


A pretty but kind of gross pumpkin stew

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

My China Trip part 5

Fuzhou Changle International Airport was empty on the way back to Hong Kong. Maybe because it was 7 o’clock in the morning. It was very different from Hong Kong Airport, where there are people in every corner day and night. Fuzhou Airport looked abandoned.

There were no other passengers when I went through security. The guards didn’t say a word to me. They just scanned my bag and waved me onward. There was no line to check in. I gave the clerk my passport and ticket, she did her thing and sent me on my way. She never said anything to me and I only said “ni hao” to her. There was another security check without any lines where they scanned my bag again, looked at my passport and boarding pass again and pointed me in the right direction. Once again, no one said anything to me. It took maybe ten minutes to get from the front door to the boarding gate, and most of that time was walking around to get from one checkpoint without any lines to another.

You could never do that in Hong Kong. Even if they didn’t talk to you, which they always do, it is always crowded. Fuzhou was deserted, except for all the people working there. They had a full staff, but I was the only passenger in sight, at least in the beginning. After a while, more and more people showed up and by the time my flight took off, it was crowded. I guess I just got there too early.

Next time I’ll know I don’t need to be there two hours before the flight. Even one hour is early. But I’m sure if I got there just before they started boarding, it would have taken a lot longer to get through security and passport control. That’s the way it works.

Another bad thing about getting there early was that there is absolutely nothing to do at Fuzhou Airport. When you get past the final security check, you can sit and wait for your flight or get some terrible airport food. It’s funny how China has so much great fresh food that costs practically nothing and Chinese airports have terrible microwaved food that’s very expensive. There’s always food anywhere in China. They even fed us on the plane, and it was only a 90 minute flight.

Hong Kong Airport is a giant shopping mall. There’s a hotel, a few pay lounges and places to get a massage. You can shop, sleep, go online and eat. The food is more expensive because it’s an airport, but they have a wide variety. You can get Chinese American, Chinese Italian, Chinese Japanese and, of course, plain old Chinese. There’s even a Disney store near the food court. I could get a discount there, but I’ve never actually bought anything because I can just get stuff at work.

I already miss Ryan, but I’m glad to be back in Hong Kong. Fuzhou just seems so different. It’s kind of funny since they’re both in China, but Hong Kong is in a world of its own. I’ve still got a few months left on my Chinese visa, but I can only go back one more time. I want to go back next week, but I should probably spread it out more.

Monday, November 12, 2012

My China Trip part 4

Communist China was not what I expected. I thought they would give me a hard time for being American as soon as the plane landed, but it was one of the easiest airport experiences I’ve ever had. I waited in the shortest line at passport control, maybe because the flight arrived at midnight. It looked like only the people from my flight were there. Maybe I’m just used to Hong Kong. The lines here are never short, no matter what time you land. I handed my passport to the woman at the counter, she looked at the visa, stamped it and sent me on my way. There were no questions. There was no talking at all. Maybe she doesn’t speak English. I expected to be stopped at the customs area, but they just stood there as I walked by. Maybe they’ve seen enough Americans that I was nothing special. Or maybe they were working the graveyard shift and could not care less.

I saw Ryan the second I walked out to the airport’s main lobby. He was pretty easy to spot in a mostly empty hall with a few scatterings of little Chinese people.

We took a taxi to his house and went straight to his bedroom. Some of his roommates were home, but I wasn’t feeling especially polite at the time. After three months without sex, I was feeling nothing but horny. Ryan’s clothes were off as soon as he shut the bedroom door. I’ve never seen him get naked so quickly. I was moving too slowly, so he helped me take off my clothes. It was more like he tore off my clothes. Within a minute of walking into a strange house in a strange country, I was on top of the bed with Ryan on top of me. Seconds later, he was finished. But I didn’t care. It just felt good to finally have him inside me again. It also proved that he wasn’t sleeping around in China, not that I was worried about that. He was just as horny as I was.

We took a little break on his bed and he kissed my body like a man who had not had sex in months. I can’t describe how good it felt after going so long without being touched in that way. It didn’t take long until Ryan was ready to go again, and this time it lasted much longer. Thankfully. I wanted to spend the rest of the week on that bed, but Ryan had to work that night, and we had to get up to replenish our fluids sooner or later anyway.

I went with Ryan to see his band play at the club they’ve been working in all this time. I was surprised by how small it was. You wouldn’t think a live band could fit in there, but somehow they did. I didn’t like the club at all and the music was too loud for such a tiny space, but I was happy to be there, watching my boyfriend do his thing. When the band finished their set, we all hung out for a little while. A couple of his band mates have Fuzhou girlfriends now. I don’t know if anyone let their girlfriends in Hong Kong know. I was anxious to go back to the house and so was Ryan. We didn’t hang out at the club for very long. We had better things to do. We spent the rest of the night humping our brains out while my ears were ringing from the loud music. I didn’t drink much, but I felt drunk from the flight, noise and orgasms.

It could not have been a better trip.

Monday, November 5, 2012

My China Trip part 3

I got my plane ticket to Fuzhou. I’m leaving Wednesday at 10 o’clock at night. That means I’ll get there by midnight. That wouldn’t be so good if I had to get to the city on my own, but Ryan’s going to pick me up at the airport. He’ll either find someone to give us a ride or just take a taxi. He says taxis in Fuzhou are a lot cheaper than Hong Kong. He says everything’s cheaper in China.

Leaving Fuzhou will be a little harder. My flight is at 9am on Monday. That means I have to be at the airport by 7 at the latest. Since Ryan works nights, I’m never going to get him to wake up at 6.

I’ll be staying at Ryan’s house, so I didn’t have to deal with finding a hotel. He shares the house with his band, but he has his own room, so we’ll have some privacy. There’s not much privacy in Hong Kong, so maybe Fuzhou won’t be much of an adjustment.

Usually when I book plane tickets and hotels, I look around a little and see what there is to see and do in that city. This time I didn’t have to. Ryan’s been living there for three months. He can show me around. I don’t really know what’s in Fuzhou, but it doesn’t matter. I’m going there to see Ryan, not to see some temple or whatever famous landmark they have. If there’s time, maybe we’ll leave his house once or twice.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Halloween 2012

We had our annual Halloween party Wednesday night. I missed having Ryan there, but we all had a pretty good time. The popular costumes this year were vampires and zombies, and as always, pirates. It wouldn’t be Hong Kong without a few weird Japanese manga costumes and Hello Kitty.

Kevin was a zombie, which is what Ryan was last year. Lily was a pregnant bride. I think that scared Kevin more than anyone else. It was a pretty easy costume. She just wore a white dress and put a pillow on her stomach. My costume was the laziest. I wore a traditional Chinese dress.

Ryan and his band worked on Halloween. He said he didn’t see anyone in China dressed up. They just had the Moon Festival at the beginning of October, but so did we and we can do both.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Emperor Audition part 3

Remember that audition I had a few weeks ago? I got the part. Yay. I thought I wasn’t going to get it since they took so long to tell me. I guess better late than never, especially if it’s good news.

I’m pretty excited. I’ve been on a few auditions in Hong Kong and I was starting to think something was wrong. They always seemed interested and then nothing. Like maybe their English wasn’t as good as I thought or something was getting lost in translation.

That’s just how it works. You have to hear a lot of no before you hear yes.

It’s a small part. I’ll only be on set for one day, but it’s a real movie with a real company. They work with all the biggest stars in Hong Kong.

They want me to be available after my day on set for any reshoots that might come up and because stuff happens. It might take longer than one day, but they don’t think it will. I can easily take a day off work, and if they surprise me with another day without much notice, I can always trade with someone or call in sick.

I’m going to be in a real movie that people will actually see. I won’t be onscreen very long, but it’s something. It could easily lead to bigger and better things.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Living with Lily part 5

Sometimes living with two other people in a tiny apartment has its share of problems. There’s never enough privacy for everyone. When it was just Ryan & me, we didn’t really worry about privacy. He’s seen every inch of me naked and I don’t mind him getting up close and personal. As long as he gives me privacy in the bathroom, I’m good.

It’s a little different with my best friend and her boyfriend. We try to respect each other’s boundaries, but we inevitably intrude on each other’s personal space now and then. I walked in on Kevin while he was peeing last week. Lily’s walked in on me in the shower more than a few times. Kevin’s walked in on Lily in the shower. Then they were both in there for a long time. I can only guess what they were doing.

Today was the worst one. Kevin came into the bedroom while I was masturbating. No one was home when I started and he didn’t know anyone was home when he walked in. I’m still embarrassed.

I’m not embarrassed or ashamed to say I masturbate. That’s totally normal. Especially when your boyfriend lives in another country and you haven’t had sex in two endless months. That’s an eternity for us. I’m going to see him soon and I’m sure we’ll go at it like tribbles, but in the meantime, I’ll just have to satisfy myself.

I try to do it when no one else is home. Sometimes a ménage à moi right before bed is a nice way to end the day. Lily & Kevin might be around, but they’re in the other room asleep, or too otherwise occupied to pay the least attention to anything in the living room. I can often hear them having sex. That’s just worse because it reminds me what I’m missing. I’m happy for them, but I’m jealous for me.

I used to do it in the shower. We have a hand held shower head that’s great for reaching all the hard to reach places. But now with Lily & Kevin around, I’m never sure if someone’s going to burst into the bathroom while I’m enjoying myself.

The bedroom when no one is home is always a safe bet, until now. When Kevin walked in, he scared the hockey sticks out of me. I covered myself with the sheets as fast as I could and I really don’t know how much he saw, but I was beyond mortified. Even if he didn’t see anything, and let’s say he didn’t, he knows what I was doing. I was wearing a t-shirt, but otherwise naked and lying on the bed.

At least he apologized and closed the door. When I walked in on him peeing, I just stood there and stared. Now I’m wondering if he walked in on me as payback. That’s always a possibility. But then my life is a Friends episode. Who needs that.

I guess I should talk to Lily about it. How do you start that conversation? “So, your boyfriend saw me stirring the honey pot…”

Thursday, October 25, 2012

My China Trip part 2

I went to the visa office Monday and picked up my visa to China. It’s a good thing I didn’t apply for it a day later because they were closed Tuesday. I wanted a one year multiple entry visa, but they only gave me a 6 month double entry. That’s standard for first timers, from what I hear. At least if you’re American. The next time I apply for a visa, they might give me something higher. If they want to. The price is the same for Americans no matter what they give you, so I assume they want us to apply as many times as possible so they can get more money. A lot of people in this chunk of the world seem to think all Americans are rich.

Now I just need to book a flight to Fuzhou and I can finally see my boyfriend in the flesh. I’m pretty excited about it. I’m going to get laid. That’s not just me being presumptuous. He’s a sure thing.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Living with Lily part 4

It’s been a bit of an adjustment with three of us living in my tiny apartment. We all got used to the big house over the summer and all that extra space. There was enough room there for a dozen people. My apartment can comfortably house maybe one person, or more like half a person.

Sometimes Kevin stays at his apartment, so it’s not like there are always three people. Sometimes it’s just Lily & me. Sometimes it’s just me.

Yesterday I came home from work and went straight to the bathroom, because I really had to. The public bathrooms at the MTR stations aren’t the cleanest in the world and it can take a while to make it home. By the time I get off the MTR, I might as well wait until I’m home. If I can. The public options aren’t so great in my neighborhood.

When you walk in the front door to my tiny apartment, you have to turn past the bedroom and make another turn to enter the bathroom. There’s no clear line of sight from anywhere except right in front of the bathroom. Maybe that’s why I didn’t notice Kevin standing in front of the toilet until I was standing at the bathroom door. I don’t know why he had the door open. When you live with two other people, maybe close the bathroom door from time to time. I guess he got too used to all that privacy in the big house.

I know I should’ve walked away as soon as I saw him there, or at least closed the door, but for some reason I just stood there and stared at his dick. His clothes were blocking most of it, but I could see enough to know that it’s been entirely too long since I’ve seen one of those things. I pretty much ignored the fact that a yellow stream was coming out of him and just focused on his circumcised head.

I don’t doubt that I stared because I haven’t seen Ryan in person in what certainly has to be 87 years, but I still think it was beautiful. Not all dicks are created equal. Or equally. Both apply in this case. Some look far better than others. Kevin is blessed with a really nice looking dick. I doubt he would mind my saying so. I don’t think Lily knows how lucky she is.

I bet Kevin does, though.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

My China Trip part 1

I went to the visa office Wednesday to get a visa for Mainland China. I’ve had about enough of never seeing Ryan in person. Even though he doesn’t work long hours, he never has more than a whole day off, so it just makes more sense for me to go see him than for him to come see me. He doesn’t need a visa to come to Hong Kong. Americans can stay for 90 days without a visa, but it’s much easier for me to take time off work. If he takes a few days off, his whole band takes those days off. None of them get paid for that time. If I take a few days off, it doesn’t affect anyone’s paycheck except mine. Besides, he’s seen Hong Kong and isn’t all that impressed. I’ve never seen Fuzhou.

I went with Ryan when he got his visa, so I generally knew what to expect. It’s a good thing I did because the official visa office website still says that the office is on the seventh floor of the China Resources Building on Harbour Road when it’s really around the corner on Fleming Road.

The first time I went to the visa office, I went straight through security at the front of the building and upstairs to the office. This time, there was a long line just to get in the front door. Maybe Wednesday is a more popular time to go than Monday. I would think Monday is better since you can pick it up Thursday, but if you go on Wednesday, you have to wait until the next week to pick it up.

Past security and up the elevator, it was just as crowded in the office. At least it seemed crowded. It’s hard to tell which time is more crowded when there are a million people.

Since I already knew how to fill out the forms, I already had everything ready to go. It’s a pretty easy procedure once you’ve already done it. I didn’t need as much paperwork as Ryan since I was getting a regular tourist visa and he got a work visa. They want a lot more information if you want a work visa. They seem pretty casual about tourist visas, even though they don’t exactly have that reputation.

The hardest part about the whole thing was waiting for my turn. They used to just give you a number and you had to wait your turn, but now they tell you how many people are ahead of you. My ticket read, “A076 There have 42 Person”. There were over 100 people ahead of us when we got Ryan’s visa, but it seemed just as crowded both times.

The part I don’t like is that it costs HK$1,100 no matter what type of visa they give you. I checked one year multiple entry since that’s the maximum, but they can give me a 30 day single entry, 60 day multiple entry, or whatever type they want no matter how much I paid.

Tomorrow I’ll go back and see what I got.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Nude Beach Day II part 4

Nude Beach Day II Part 1
Nude Beach Day II Part 2
Nude Beach Day II Part 3


I don’t know much about lesbians and even less about discrimination and equality laws in Hong Kong. I know that discrimination against people who aren’t Chinese is legal, or at least widely accepted. I know that it was illegal to be a gay man in Hong Kong until just recently, but being lesbian was never illegal. Gay marriage is still illegal, and if you’re gay in Hong Kong, you probably don’t tell many people. I know a few guys who are probably gay, but they’ve never felt the need to confirm or deny anything, at least to me. I’ve never heard about any violence against the gay community. People in Hong Kong aren’t the violent type. Being gay is mostly frowned upon.

It probably takes a lot of balls to join a gay organization and march in parades. The lesbians at the beach were taking a big risk. Not only were they announcing that they were gay, but they were doing it at a nude beach, which is almost definitely illegal in Hong Kong. There was a mix of Chinese and white people. I assume most of them were foreigners. There was even a black girl. It must be exceptionally hard to be a black lesbian in Hong Kong. The average Chinese person points at me and stares because I don’t look or act Chinese. If you’re a black lesbian, you make me seem like a local.

Once we realized that we were in the middle of a lesbian field trip, I started to get offended by the girl who was hitting on Lily. How did she know we weren’t a couple? We were obviously there together and if she assumed we were lesbians, why not assume we were a couple? And why hit on just Lily and not me? Would Lily make a better lesbian life partner? Probably. But that girl had no way of knowing that.

Once we realized where we were, it was more obvious that a lot of the casual conversations we were having was flirting and girls hitting on us. We didn’t see it at first because it never crossed our minds. When a guy I don’t know comes up to me and starts small talk, I generally assume he’s hitting on me. It’s not ego. It’s just the law of averages. When a girl does it, I assume she’s just making small talk. I’ve always known I could be wrong about the guys. There might be one or two misfits out there who don’t want me. But now it turns out I was wrong about the girls.

One hairy girl came up to us and stood with one of her feet on a basket the way a guy would, trying to give us a clear view of her crotch, just the way a guy would. When I say she was hairy, I don’t just mean her big afro bush. It looked like a razor had never touched her skin. She looked down at us and said, “Yeah, smooth. Just the way I like it.” I didn’t say anything, but I thought if she likes it smooth, why not shell out a couple bucks and get a Gillette. I guess she was the butch in the bunch.

Butch In the Bunch. Coming this fall on Fox.

Another girl only talked to Lily and wouldn’t even look at me. I did not exist as far as she was concerned. More girls hit on Lily. She has lighter hair and bigger tits. That makes all the difference in the world to men, and apparently it matters to women as well. Lily is prettier than I am, by pretty much anyone’s definition, so I can understand why she was more popular. It didn’t matter anyway. None of them were going to get any slap and tickle from either of us.

Only one Asian girl hit on us. She seemed to like me more than Lily. Maybe Asians like darker hair. I don’t know.

Most of the girls on the beach didn’t hit on us at all. I think some of them could tell we were not lesbians. I’m sure some just weren’t interested. You could tell that some of them were couples, so they weren’t there to score.

Even though we were not part of their group, we had some interesting conversations and we both walked away with a few phone numbers, but not from the girls just looking to get laid. We mostly talked to those who looked us in the eye instead of somewhere lower. We made a few new friends by the time we left.

I’m glad we went to the beach that day. I wasn’t expecting so many people there, but they turned out to be pretty friendly and I was never as uncomfortable as I would’ve been if there had been a gaggle of men, or worse, one or two men. By the end of the day, I was relatively comfortable being naked around a group of girls. It was a good day to be naked. The sun was shining, it didn’t rain and the water was officially clean.

I think I’d be willing to go back again some time. I’d have to check some kind of event calendar. I don’t want to go when it’s a truck driver’s field trip day.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Nude Beach Day II part 3

Nude Beach Day II Part 1
Nude Beach Day II Part 2


We left early in the morning so we would have enough time to spend at the beach and still be back before the traffic got overly ridiculous. That was the plan anyway. It took us a lot longer to find the beach than we expected. Lantau Island is maybe 12 miles across, but we drove around it for hours. Eventually, we found a dirt parking lot that looked like the same dirt parking lot from the last time, at least as far as I could tell. Dirt parking lots off tiny rural roads generally look the same to me.

We walked our way to the shore and, as soon as we reached the beach, I could tell that we were at the right place. It was just as beautiful, and deserted, as I remembered. We found a nice spot to make camp and Lily got naked without hesitation. The weather was good and no one else was around, so I followed her after I took a few minutes to get comfortable.

When I told Ryan about everything, I may have exaggerated how much sunscreen we put on each other. We did each other’s backs, but I made it sound more arousing than it really was. I told him about slowly rubbing lotion on each other’s legs and stomachs before graduating to butts and breasts. Before I could get too carried away, I admitted that it might not have been all that exciting. He liked hearing about us oiling up our own tits nonetheless.

After maybe half an hour, we heard someone coming toward us. Two girls walked right up to where we were sitting. I casually covered myself, or I like to think I was casual about it, while Lily just stayed naked. I’m not sure what the nude beach etiquette is, but I thought they could have easily stayed away from us. There was plenty of room on the beach. I’m a friendly person and I can understand introducing yourself in other settings, but it seems like a nude beach is a place where you keep your distance. I could not have been more wrong about that.

The other girls both got naked right away. They were the opposite of shy. Right in the middle of small talk, they stripped off every stitch of their clothing in front of us. I didn’t want to be rude and move to another part of the beach, but it suddenly seemed awkward that I was the only person covering myself. Putting my clothes back on at that point would have only made it worse.

Pretty soon, another girl came up to us. She didn’t seem to know the first girls. She definitely didn’t know Lily & me, but she came right up to us just like the others had. She also got naked while introducing herself. I was still trying to get used to people getting naked right off the bat, but this was a nude beach and I suppose there’s no point in going there if you’re never going to get naked.

I was still wondering what to do about covering myself while everyone else was naked when Lily said that she wanted to try out the water. The water in Victoria Harbour is gross. You couldn’t pay me enough to swim in that. But the water looks pretty good around the outskirts of Lantau. Hong Kong rates the water quality at beaches and they’ll tell you if it’s bad that month or season or however they do it. When Lily & I went into the water, that took care of my embarrassment. You can’t tell how naked someone is in the ocean if you’re sitting on the beach.

While we were frolicking in the sea, as lithe pixies are wont to do, even more girls came onto the beach. The first time I ever went to a nude beach, possibly this same beach, Ryan & I encountered a grand total of zero other people. The second time, they were piling on like clowns from a Volkswagen. Every person who set foot on that beach was a girl, which undoubtedly made me less uncomfortable than if they had been guys. But it was still a lot more crowded. Some of the girls got in the water with us. Most of them stayed on the beach. Every single one of them got naked.

At least everyone wasn’t huddled around our stuff. As more girls arrived, there were more groups spread out around the beach. By the time we got out of the water, there were enough people on the beach, and all of them naked, that I wasn’t feeling so self-conscious about being naked myself. When everyone around you is naked, it’s not so out of the ordinary to be naked yourself. I think having clothes on in that situation would have made me feel more out of place than I did in just my wet skin.

When we walked out of the water and to our stuff, I expected every eye on that beach to stare at my wet body every step of the way. But they didn’t because they were all just as uncovered as I was, though not necessarily as wet. I wasn’t completely comfortable going full frontal in front of everyone, but it felt more natural the longer I did.

While we were sitting in the sun, a girl came up to us and asked Lily if she wanted to go somewhere more private. It took both of us a while to figure out that she was hitting on Lily. That was when we wondered why there were no guys on the beach. I was glad there were not, but still curious. Another girl told us that this was a field trip for an LGBT group in Hong Kong. Somehow, we found ourselves on a nude beach surrounded by lesbians.

It was only after I got home that I thought about how much Ryan would have loved this. A beach full of naked lesbians would be a jackpot fantasy for him. If only he realized how little he would be a fantasy for them.



Friday, October 12, 2012

Nude Beach Day II part 2

Nude Beach Day II Part 1


I really don’t like driving in Hong Kong. Whenever I tell people this, they assume it’s because they drive on the left side of the road and the steering wheel is on the right side of the car. But driving on the wrong side of the road is pretty easy to get used to. In the constant traffic of Hong Kong, you just follow everyone else. Driving from the wrong side of the car takes a minute to adapt. Instead of shifting gears with your right hand, you use your left hand, but the clutch is still on the left. So instead of clutch left foot and shift right hand, it’s clutch left foot and shift left hand. After a while, it feels completely normal.

What I don’t like about driving in Hong Kong are the traffic rules, which are as different from American traffic rules as the steering wheels. The first rule in the United States is to never hit anything. The second rule is to never let anything hit you. We’re naturally courteous people in Minnesota, so we let others go first even when we have the right of way. The first rule in Hong Kong seems to be everyone try to go first all the time. Right of way is a foreign concept, as is courtesy and common sense. When you hit someone, it is their fault. When they hit you, it is equally their fault, only moreso.

Hong Kong traffic is also much worse than Minneapolis traffic. I’ve driven Minneapolis to St Paul during rush hour. Minnesotans consider that a bad idea, which only makes me laugh now. That’s like a Sunday morning leisure drive compared to any day at any time in Hong Kong. Minnesota driving is relaxing, with lakes, natural beauty and more lakes. Hong Kong driving is frantic chaos. Imagine a room full of cats who have just snorted catnip and are chasing a room full of laboratory mice on cocaine while being chased by a room full of dogs wearing bark collars. Now put the room on a gyroscope and set all of the animals on fire. That would be peaceful compared to driving around here. You can’t even see any steel and concrete scenery because you have to watch out for all the people who are actively trying to crash into you.

The good thing about driving in Hong Kong is that if you go far enough, you will be out of the city sooner or later. Kowloon is an urban jungle, but it’s surrounded by mountains and parks. The New Territories are still more green than developed and Lantau Island is almost all nature, with small pockets of city.

Getting to Lantau Island is pretty easy. There are three or four bridges to Tsing Yi and only one bridge to Lantau. You can’t miss it. Once you’re on the island, it’s another story. The main street is designed to go to the airport and Disneyland. There are two smaller roads that cut through the island north and south and another that covers the south side. Beyond that, you have to take tiny rural routes, some less paved than others. The smaller the roads get, the fewer signs there are. Most of the streets in downtown Hong Kong have signs in Chinese and English, but when you get to the tiny roads on Lantau, even Chinese signs are hard to find.



Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Nude Beach Day II part 1

Lily & Kevin wanted to go to that nude beach Ryan & I went to last year, but I couldn’t tell them where it was. I’m still not sure how we got there with all the twists and turns we took. I know it’s on the far end of Lantau Island, but that’s about it. So Kevin got directions from Ryan, but Ryan’s not really sure where it is either.

Summer is the rainy season in Hong Kong and this year it rained a lot. So they decided to wait for the typhoon season to end. Lily also has to work more in the summer.

By the time the weather got better and Lily had more time, they weren’t sure if Kevin could go or not. Usually when she works less, he works more. She wanted me to go with them, but I didn’t want to get naked in front of Kevin and I didn’t think she wanted him to get naked in front of me. She said she didn’t mind. He’s been in various states of naked in front of me before, but I could never really see anything. I’m sure everything would be in full view at a nude beach.

Eventually, she convinced me to go with them and I decided I’d just wear a bathing suit while they got as naked as they wanted. The odds at that point were 50/50 that Kevin would even be able to go. I thought if he didn’t go then maybe I might get naked. The ocean has probably missed me. Since it was completely empty when Ryan & I went, I naturally assumed it would be empty this time.

It turned out that Kevin could not go. We borrowed a car from a friend of a friend of Kevin’s. I had to drive because it was a stick shift and Lily can only drive automatic transmission. Chicks, am I right? I’m sure there’s a joke in there somewhere about me being able to handle a stick wile Lily can’t, but I bet Kevin would take her side.



Sunday, October 7, 2012

Emperor Audition part 2

I got a callback at Emperor. Since it’s a very small part, I have to think getting a second audition is a good thing. They’re probably not going to spend too much time casting bit parts.

They told me the name of the movie, but it’s in Chinese, so I don’t really know what it is. The English title will probably be something completely different. Chinese titles and English titles never seem to have anything in common. Up in the Air is The Flightlog Sportsman in Chinese. Usually the Chinese title is more about the story than a translation of the English title. Juno is Teenage Pregnancy in Mind.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Clear Water Bay House part 4

We don’t have the big house anymore. The owners are back in Hong Kong and that means we’re back in my tiny apartment. We went from four large bedrooms to one tiny bedroom. We each had our own private bathroom. Now we’re sharing one tiny bathroom. We had a huge kitchen with everything you could need. Now we’re back to my tiny kitchen with no counter space and only enough room for one person at a time. Gone are the terrace with that gorgeous view of the ocean and outer islands, and that amazing swimming pool and hot tub. My apartment has a tiny balcony for laundry and a view of other apartments.

I really miss that house.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Moon Festival 2012

Sunday was the Moon Festival. Since it was on a Sunday, Monday was a public holiday. This made it the perfect day to have a party. Since we still have the big house at Clear Water Bay, we threw a big party. There were celebrations all over the city, but the big house is a great place to have a party.

The Moon Festival is all about red lanterns, moon cakes and barbecue. Some of our Chinese friends brought a few red lanterns and a lot of moon cakes. Kevin and a few other foreigners were responsible for the barbecue. We didn’t do it the Chinese way. I like Chinese food, but our style of barbecue is much better.

Moon cakes seem to mean a million different things to a million different people. They don’t mean anything to me since it’s not my culture. They’re basically tiny cakes or filled cookies, depending how you look at it and how they’re made. They come in a huge variety of styles and flavors. Most of the moon cakes we had at the party were boughten. Some were homemade. The homemade cakes were much better.

I don’t really understand the red lanterns, but they look nice and it looked pretty impressive when they were all lit up and sent into the sky. I don’t know whose job it is to clean up all the red lanterns when they make their way back down, but I bet they’re pretty busy right about now.

I’m sure they had fireworks at Victoria Harbour, but you can’t see anything from the house. I think our view was better anyway. We got to watch our red lanterns and some others from other people floating away over the ocean.


Saturday, September 29, 2012

Emperor Audition part 1

I got another audition. It’s for a very small part, but it’s with a company that I’ve actually heard of. Emperor Entertainment makes a lot of movies every year that are shown all over Hong Kong and Southeast Asia. They even work with Jackie Chan from time to time, but the movie I went in for has nothing to do with him.

I think I did a pretty good job at the audition, but you never know. It’s all down to whether I’m what they’re looking for and if they find someone better. It’s only one scene, but it’s a speaking part and if millions of people see it that could easily lead to bigger and better things.

No matter what happens, their office is close to Paisano’s so I got some pretty good pizza.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Election 2012 part 2

I’m not really sure who to vote for. I know people are going crazy about it. Either Obama is the epitome of evil and Romney is our only salvation, or the other way around. I don’t think it’s all that extreme. I don’t think all life as we know it will end if the wrong person is elected. America is stronger than one man, no matter which state he comes from, what religion he claims or how his skin looks. We’ve had a few pretty bad presidents, a few pretty good presidents and mostly something in between. Life carried on either way. I’m sure all the candidates would do good things and bad things. And when I say man, I mean man. I doubt the average American will vote for a woman in my lifetime. “But what about Hillary Clinton?” She will never be president. I’m willing to cover all bets on that.

What I don’t like is that I don’t really like any of the candidates. I don’t hate any of them and I’m not going to leave the country when whoever I don’t vote for is elected. And I guarantee that whoever I vote for will absolutely not win. I already left the country. I think if you’re one of those people who threatens to leave the country when the other side wins then you don’t get how democracy works. Sometimes the other side wins. Deal with it. Your side will win again sooner or later.

I think the worst thing is voting on sides. We should be voting for people, not parties. If it’s football, you vote for your team. Go Vikings. If it’s deciding who should run the country, you should vote for the person you think will do the best job. The odds of your party always picking the better person are too impossible to believe.

We’re so divided now that we want to reduce everyone to a party stereotype. He’s a Republican, so he must hate poor people and women. She’s a Democrat, so she must love taxes and government dependency. Most people never fit whatever stereotype you want to label them with.

The pundits and talking heads seem to want every state to be red or blue, as if no one from Texas ever votes for Democrats and no one from California ever votes for Republicans. People want to label California the liberal hippie blue state, but California voted for Reagan, four times. He was their Governor. They had a lot of red Governors. Texas put Lyndon Johnson in congress for 100 years. Texas had a lot of blue Governors.

Minnesota is currently considered a blue state, but we’re not so easy to label. We elected Michele Bachmann, Al Franken and Jesse Ventura. I never voted for any of them. Jesse was before my time, Michele isn’t in my district and Al was elected before I was old enough to vote.