Friday, January 4, 2013

Lily's Revenge Ideas

Lily came back to Hong Kong and we had a lot to talk about – her father’s health, this year’s Christmas show, my boyfriend getting a hand job from a Chinese prostitute – the usual.

Her father is doing well. The doctors say he will fully recover and be good as new in no time. He has to change his diet and start living a healthy lifestyle, but everyone should anyway.

The Christmas show is going to be “bigger and better than ever” this year. They always say that. Disneyland has special shows for Christmas, Chinese New Year, Halloween and summer. Each one is always supposed to be better than the last. Personally, I think Celebration in the Air started strong, but it got kind of routine after a while.

Lily & I were by ourselves at home drinking a little too much. I’m not a big drinker, but sometimes a drink or two at the end of a long week isn’t such a bad thing. A friend gave Lily a bottle of wine and we destroyed it. We’re both relatively thin – by American standards – though giants in China, and we hadn’t eaten in a while. We got tipsy pretty fast.

I told her about Ryan’s Chinese hand job massage. The more I talked about it, the more upset I got. I was ready to kick that whore’s ass, even though I have no idea who or where she is and I’m not a fighter at all. If I punched someone, I would probably hurt myself more than her.

Lily suggested we go to China and castrate Ryan in his sleep, but I thought that might be a bit too extreme. I wasn’t blaming Ryan. I was blaming the whore. I would miss Ryan’s dick far too much to do such a thing. Lily said I could keep it in a jar. This was all the wine talking. We would never do anything like that. So far.

I asked Lily what she would do if it were Kevin and she said castrate him in his sleep. So I set up a scenario for her. Let’s say Kevin is getting a normal harmless massage and suddenly she grabs his dick. How could he stop it before it happened? He’s a foreigner in China. He doesn’t know which places are legitimate and which are full of whores. I don’t know how you can tell the difference if you don’t really know the culture well. Barely speaking the language probably doesn’t help either.

Lily had to agree with me that it was the whore’s fault more than Ryan’s, but still thought Ryan should be punished. We tossed around a few ideas, some less realistic than others. We were also tossing back drinks at the time.

Lily suggested I tell Ryan that I got a massage from a guy who touched me in ways that would make Ryan’s head explode. I killed that idea with the obvious point that I would never do that, and Ryan knows it. He would never believe that I would let a strange man touch me like that.

Lily’s best idea was that we set up another massage appointment in Fuzhou for Ryan, but instead of a girl doing it, we make sure it’s a man. The last thing Ryan wants is some guy giving him a full body massage. Even a legitimate massage from a legitimate masseur would freak him out. But we couldn’t figure out how to arrange it. Even sober, I have no idea how to make something like that work. We don’t know who to call or where to go. It would be far too much effort for practically no reward.

Lily’s easiest idea was that we take a picture of me grabbing Kevin’s dick and send it to Ryan. The downside is that Ryan and Kevin’s friendship would be over. And there would be a picture out there of me grabbing a dick. That might not be the best thing for my career. I could also see myself sitting alone on the sofa while Lily & Kevin are in the bedroom after I got him hard. How is that revenge? It’s great for them, but it doesn’t do me any good.

Speaking of whores, I don’t take issue with the way the whore in Fuzhou makes her living. Everybody has to do what they have to do to survive. This is not a fair world, and if you’re born on the lowest rung of the ladder, moving up will never be easy. Having said that, there must be thousands of foreigners in China, and millions of locals, who would be more than happy to get a little tug at the end of their massage. Just stay the hell away from my boyfriend.

6 comments:

  1. He cheated on you?!? That's crazy, you are gorgeous! One would be crazy to mess that up.

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  2. getting a hand jobbie from an asian chick...sounds tempting!! :-)

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    1. Asian "chicks" are never the way Americans think.

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  3. Good Diary and a very adventurous person... I like this blog, it has a kinda creative way of writing this diary. Well done girl.. :-)

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    1. Thanks, but I'm the least adventurous person in the world.

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