Saturday, December 9, 2017

The Great Wall of China
29. Side Effects

According to everyone, I will recover somewhere between six months and two years. Most of the bigger milestones happen in the first six months. That is when they decide if you are going to come back all the way or if you better get used to something that will never be the same again. Generally speaking, at the two year point, that is the way it's going to be.

Except seizures. I never had any, and they took me off the anticonvulsants pretty quickly. But, this is the fun part, they could pop up at any time in the next four years. So you know all those jobs you can't have if you are susceptible to seizures? Those are all off the table. I will not be a truck driver, crane operator or military explosive ordnance disposal specialist any time soon. My dream of juggling chainsaws on a tightrope over a ring of fire at the Olympics are no more.

Some of the side effects that may or may not pop up in the next six months to two years include headaches, seizures, dizziness, depression, anxiety, irritability, emotional instability, difficulty concentrating, memory loss, hormonal disturbances, obsessive compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder, electrolyte abnormality, loss of motor control, loss of range of movement, formation of aneurysms and meningitis.

I am also at risk for changes in personality – disinhibition, apathy, impulsiveness, hypersexuality, loss of initiative, rage without provocation, inappropriate humor, poor social interaction, excessive swearing, lack of empathy, compulsive gambling, drug use; cognitive deficits – distractibility, impaired conversational skills, reduced processing speed, disrupted insight/judgment/train of thought; executive function deficits – problem solving, planning, multitasking, abstract reasoning. Further down the road, I'm at greater risk for diabetes, stroke, epilepsy, brain tumors, Parkinson's and Alzheimer's disease.

So there's always something to look forward to.

I have already had plenty of headaches. Fortunately, they are not nearly as bad as I expected. During surgery, they cut nerves. As they grow back, it feels like tiny knives. It comes and goes, and a little ibuprofen goes a long way. Sometimes just holding my head makes a big difference. Nurse Xihua in Beijing gave me a great tip for dizziness. Whenever I get up from lying down, I turn sideways and lift my head up slowly. This is supposed to be better than rising like Dracula. I'm also supposed to avoid roller coasters for a while, but we don't have any of those outside of Ocean Park, which I'm boycotting anyway.

Dr Chen said I had a pretty good attitude. Maybe he was being sarcastic, but sarcasm is rare in China. I remember doing a lot of bitching and moaning in the hospital, but he seemed to think I was optimistic. I was always highly motivated to recover. I want to go back to work. The longer I wait, the harder that will be. Dancing is like playing a sport. The less time on the sidelines, the better. You want to get back into the game as soon as possible.

If the lack of empathy, disrupted judgment, rage without provocation and problem solving deficits ever kick in, I can always go into politics. As far as apathy and excessive swearing, fuck it. I don't give a shit about that.


The Great Wall of China part 1

4 comments:

  1. So it's been 6 months. Are you fully recovered? Did any of the bad side effects kick in?

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    1. I'm getting better all the time.

      I've been lucky enough to avoid any of the life threatening side effects. I've never had a seizure or stroke. I haven't passed out while walking a tight rope. I've had my share of headaches, but that's manageable.

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  2. I just want you to know I've been reading this car accident story and it didn't really hit me how great a writer you are until the last paragraph. That made me laugh so I went back and re-read the post. I kind of skimmed over it the first time because of all the medical terms. That olympics joke is pretty subtle.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. If you like five minute blog posts, you should read some of the books I spent far more time on.

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