Saturday, May 5, 2018

Dating in the Age of Social Media

A while back, I mentioned that I would post any comments from anyone I have dated lately. To my surprise, someone actually took me up on it. Rutherford and I went out on a single date a few months ago.

As a reminder, here are some highlights of what I said about the date:

January 30, 2018 (the full post)

Rutherford and I met up at Curry Leaf, an Indian restaurant in Jordan. No one ever picks anyone up in Hong Kong. It's not that kind of town. Everyone meets each other somewhere. In suburbia, you pick up your date and go into town. In a city of a few million people, you might live on opposite sides of wherever you are going. Meeting someplace just makes more sense. I would not want a first date to know where I live anyway.

Although Rutherford picked the restaurant, he immediately complained that it did not look authentic enough. It looked like a million Hong Kong restaurants to me, but he wanted it to look like we were in India.

“I've been to Chennai,” he announced. “I know how it's supposed to look.”

“Ok,” I replied. “But this is Hong Kong. Have you ever seen an American restaurant here that actually looks American? Why would an Indian restaurant actually look Indian?”

That must not have been what he wanted to hear. He seemed determined to complain.

The food morally offended him. Everything on the menu had Indian names, but nothing was authentically Indian, as far as he was concerned. I have never been to India, so I don't know, but I am pretty sure that someone who spent a week in one city is not an expert. Predictably, nothing he ate that night was proper Indian food. I could not taste anything, so I have no idea if it was any good or not, but it looked good. Was it 100% authentic Indian? Probably not. If they want to make money in Hong Kong, it's probably closer to the British version of Indian with a healthy dose of Chinese Indian. No restaurant in China is 100% anything, except Chinese.

It might sound like the complaining was what broke the camel's back on this date, but I'm more than aware that everyone can have an off night. I don't really care if a restaurant in Hong Kong does not remind people of India, so I had no reason to argue or agree with him. He ruined the night when he insisted that I take off my hat.

The first time he saw me, on the promenade, I was wearing a toque. Lily and I were in exercise clothes and we were clearly walking around for exercise. On our date, I was wearing a different toque. With the hat on, you can't tell if I have short hair or if I put my hair up. He was curious, which is understandable, but would not take let it go for an answer. I did not want to get into the whole brain surgery thing on a first date. I think if I did that, it would dominate the evening. It took over my life for a long time and I am trying to take it back. A date should be one of those times when I can get away from it and think about something else. But by not explaining why I did not want to remove my hat, he got caught up in the mystery. Had he asked me a couple of times to take the hat off and then dropped it, we could have moved on. Instead, he quickly obsessed over my hair.

Here is a public service announcement to all men all over the world: Women generally do not like it when a man they met five minutes ago insists that she take off an article of clothing on command. No means no.

The only thing that got him off the subject was the arrival of our food. For appetizers, he got samosas and I got the dahi kebab, which he quickly pointed out cost twice as much. I always intended on paying for myself, but I thought it was tacky of him to quote the prices. He never pointed out that the rest of his meal was almost three times the price of mine. His bhuna ghosht was more than twice my aloo baingan masala. He also got some boondi raita on the side and an expensive fruit drink while I just had tea.

We both had bread that was essentially the same price, but he had a comment about my choice anyway.

“You should never order garlic naan on a date,” he told me. “No one wants to kiss a girl who just ate garlic.”

“Fortunately, that won't be an issue tonight,” I replied.

After dinner, he wanted to go to one of the pubs down the street. I told him I'm not a drinker, which is true, but I never pointed out that I was tired and ready to go home. He would have assumed it was because of him, when he was only half the reason. Had he suggested something else, I might have been open, but he had his heart set on overpriced drinks at some trendy bar. The restaurant was where we parted ways.

The next day, I got a text message. “Cant w8 2cu again no hats this time ok”

I was going to just ignore him, but instead, I sent my own message. “I'll make you a deal. We can have a second date if you wear a hat.”

That was a mistake. His next dozen unanswered messages went on and on about why I was completely unreasonable for not taking off my hat. Eventually, Lily sent him a message wondering out loud how many hats he could shove up his ass. He never replied.

I suppose I could have just told him why I was wearing the hat in the first place, but why should that not be up to me? Do I really need to explain to someone I do not even know why I'm wearing a hat? If your date will not take off her hat, is it really that important? Call me old fashioned, but I think you should get to know someone before you try to act that controlling.

Rutherford will never know why we never had a second date. When he tells his friends his side of the story, it will be one of those “bitches be crazy” excuses.



As it turns out, he will know why we never had a second date because he read this blog.

Here is Rutherford's rebuttal, posted uncensored and unedited:

“1st thing I like girls who try and look good. On our date you dressed okay a little to conservative and not enough skin showing by FAR. This is a date not church. You wore a wool cap and ZERO makeup. All the signals were leave me alone I'm reading a book. Girls on dates like to make some effort into there looks short skirts show some leg a little clevege is good too. Not slutty but just enough show your interested. All girls wear makeup the only time they don't is when they want left alone or doing laundry. You told me NOTHING why you wearing the wool cap so there's no way I can know about your accident. I only found out after reading your blog. Maybe don't date any till your fully recovered? I put my shoulder out once didn't date again till it was healed.
“2nd thing the restaurant should of been better. Everyone said how great it was 5 stars on facebook 4 stars on openrice how great the Indian food. I been to India so I know it wasn't real AT ALL. I AM an expert you can say I'm not but I know I AM. I know REAL Indian food this was not REAL. You've never been to India you admit it so you don't know. I know. You never complained about the food because you don't KNOW how its supposed to be like. I “quoted the prices” because girls like to pretend they don't eat than they eat more than everyone else and the guy always has to pay for it ALL. I told you not to eat garlic that's just common sense. You NEVER eat garlic on a date. I don't care what anyone says NO guy wants to kiss a girl who just ate garlic.
“3rd thing like I said you never told me about your accident so there's no way I'd know about it. Your wearing a wool cap which is wired enough in Hong Kong but your also wearing it on a date. Who does that? If you have short hair okay that's one thing long hair is better but I can live with short hair long as your letting it grow but you can't hide your hair all the way. Guys want to see a girls hair. Its not just me you'll find every guy you date wants to see your hair so no more wool caps that's just CRAZY.
“4th thing I wanted to get drinks because it was still early and I hoped getting a few drinks in you would make you losen up maybe take off the cap. There's a bar I take all my dates and they ALWAYS have a good time after a few drinks. Lets be honest no guys getting anywhere with you without getting you drunk first. I knew right away first thing going the bar was my only shot.
“Last thing you or your friend or whoever was really rude sending me texts. You could just give me another shot but no you tell me to stick it up my ASS? That's not cool that's harrassment your lucky I didn't report you.
“Signed Christian aka Ruthorford
“PS its a shame because your cute enough I thought you had potential but you blew it SORRY you missed out on a GREAT GUY that's me.”

4 comments:

  1. Hailey why are you dating the mentally disabled?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I assume you're referring to his terrible spelling, grammar and punctuation. He was more articulate in person. Writing isn't for everyone, and typing on phones is harder than typing on a keyboard.

      Delete
  2. Awesome Rebuttal by this guy, going splits with laughter !! it should be you are lucky rather than Your Lucky :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. His poor grammar was the least of his problems. Look at his attitude and entitlement.

      Delete

No hate, please. There's enough of that in the world already.