Ryan’s decided to stay in Hong Kong on one condition – he wants me to be more open about what he called his “manly needs”. I always thought I was. I seldom say no to indoor private sex, unless I’m not interested. Every once in a while, I wake him up in the morning in a very special way that no man in the history of civilization has ever resisted. I usually let him pop his cork on whatever body part he wants. I’ve known a few people who find that objectionable, but I’ve never had a problem with it. Outside of your eyes, it washes off effortlessly. And avoiding your eyes is pretty easy. Eyelids were invented to avoid detritus. Even so, he apparently has a list of things he wants to try and he thinks I’m holding him back.
There might be some truth to that. I’m not a sexually freaky person. I’m what they call vanilla. I like committed, monogamous, heterosexual intercourse. I’ll try any position at least once, but I like privacy and comfort. Especially privacy. I’m not interested in being watched or watching other people. I’m not comfortable being naked around others. I don’t want to flash anybody. I’m afraid of being tied up or using mechanical devices. I have absolutely no desire to tie him up or use devices on him.
I understand where Ryan is coming from. He’s at his sexual peak for at least the next few years. He’s living in a far away, exotic land with indecipherable social mores. He has a steady paycheck coming in for the first time in his life. He gets hard at the drop of a hat. Pretty much anything arouses him. And he’s stuck here with me. I’m pretty boring, sexually. Don’t get me wrong, I like rubbing against naughty bits as much as the next repressed American. I get aroused pretty easily, too. I just have more self-control. I’ll never ask him to go down on me in a restaurant. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that. But he would love it.
Ryan also had basically no sexual experience before me. I had a boyfriend when we first met. He only had his sore hand. Now that he has a lot more experience under his belt, he wants to try more and more exotic things. He’s in an experimental stage right now. I guess he’s on a sexual journey. I’m just not sure how far he wants to go, or how far I can go with him.
I’m really worried about this. The line I won’t cross is much closer than the line he won’t cross, wherever that is. Will he always want to try things I don’t like? Will I always be so stubborn? Will I have to go farther than I want to keep him? Will he have to hold himself back to keep me? Is this all just temporary? Most importantly, I want the name of whoever invented boyfriends. We need to talk.
For the most parts these posts entertained me as I could see that you were putting yourself into unfamiliar experiences as you tried to expand your horizons. That being said, a few of your posts made me cringe and finally this one caused me to cringe enough that I am compelled to comment.
ReplyDeletePushing limits and experimenting should have you feeling excited, not uncomfortable. It seems like every time you do something, he only complains about what you didn't do right and pushes you to do more. Being coerced by a selfish and unappreciative lover sucks and I would have dumped him after the first critique that he gave.
But you mentioned that he wasn't vastly experienced so maybe he isn't a horribly selfish SOB and is simply misguided. Maybe. And maybe he isn't experienced or smart enough to realize a great thing when he has it. Most women (and men) wouldn't let their lover come anywhere he wanted; there would be a discussion beforehand about the limits of consent as well as degradation/objectification but that is a whole other story.
In the early days of our relationship, SB and I had several open, honest discussions of what was yes, no or maybe. He is much more vanilla than I am and I made the mistake of pressuring him a few times with predictably poor results. But unlike your boyfriend I managed to realize that I was being a horrible, selfish person and making the person that I adored feel insecure. Great sex is supposed to be mutually satisfying after all. There is nothing titillating about sex with someone who you have pressured into doing something uncomfortable. Even people who like discomfort have limits, which is why safe words exist.
And finally, what about your vanilla sex? Is your boyfriend such a sexual dynamo that he has mastered vanilla sex to your ultimate satisfaction? Do you still have sex that is everything you want or is it mostly about his wants? How are his vanilla oral skills? Does he know how to use his hands and fingers with the perfect vanilla rhythm and pressure? Does he make your eyes roll to the back of your head? I hope so because the way he pushes you, one would expect that he is freaking fantastic in bed. Otherwise he should be on his knees thanking you for all that you have allowed him to do.
I think all men are selfish in bed. At least to some degree. It seems only natural since they can't do it if they're not aroused while we can. Once they're finished there's not much more they can do while we can keep going long after orgasm - and hopefully get another one.
ReplyDeleteRyan's 21, living in a very foreign land, and finally has a steady job that gives him enough time to enjoy life. I completely understand why he needs to experiment and test his limits. I'm supportive because I want to be. He was there for me during bad times. The least I can do is be a little more open and less uptight. Not just for him, but also for me.
I am a guy and have read through your blog a bit today... Really, in my opinion, the things that you have been willing to do for your boyfriend so far sexually has been a lot. Some of the things he wants to do regarding nudity and sex in public will get you arrested - in HK - here in the US - or anywhere else in the world. It's moronic to do and pretty rude to anyone who lives there and has to see something like that in public.
ReplyDeleteBut, the other thing is this. I think your boyfriend should invest a little more time in his career - be it music - or whatever he plans to do - and a little less time thinking of creative ways to get his rocks off. The economy is not that great in the US right now - so competition for any kind of work is getting more and more fierce.
I know that's a buzzkill to think about, but if your boyfriend spends all his free time just thinking about new creative ways and places to stick his swizzle stick, then you might want to think carefully about whether or not he is someone you want to spend your future with.
Ryan spends more time working on his music than anything else. He's in several bands at Disney and has a side band outside with other musicians. He's working a lot more now on his music than he ever has in his entire life.
ReplyDeleteWe both know how bad things are back home. The more we work in Hong Kong, the more experience we have for whenever we go back.
But nobody can work 24/7 - or at least nobody should have to. When he has free time he likes to spend it with his girlfriend. I think that's a good thing.
Don’t listen to these narrow minded people Hailey. They just want everyone to follow their rules and do it all their way. There is no one way to have a healthy sexual relationship. You have to do what’s right for you, not what’s right for these people who want everyone to be like them.
ReplyDeleteSince you’re open to new things, I’d say you’re relationship is much healthier than people who expect everyone to do everything their way.