Peace On Earth

Happy Xmas (War Is Over)
Written by John Lennon & Yoko Ono
Performed by Sarah McLachlan




Little Drummer Boy/Peace On Earth
Written by Katherine Davis/Ian Fraser, Larry Grossman, Alan Kohan
Performed by Will Farrell & John C Reilly




Silent Night
Written by Franz Xaver Gruber & Joseph Mohr
Performed by Sinéad O'Connor

Silent Night

Carol of the Bells
Written by Mykola Leontovych & Peter Wilhousky
Performed by Richard Carpenter




Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Written by Hugh Martin & Ralph Blane
Performed by Idina Menzel




Silent Night
Written by Franz Xaver Gruber & Joseph Mohr
Performed by Dinah Washington

Merry Little Christmas

Baby, It's Cold Outside
Written by Frank Loesser
Performed by Idina Menzel & Michael Bublé




Song For a Winter's Night
Written & Performed by Gordon Lightfoot




Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Written by Hugh Martin & Ralph Blane
Performed by Barbra Streisand

Sleigh Ride

The Christmas Waltz
Written by Sammy Cahn & Jule Styne
Performed by Tony Bennett




Wintersong
Written & Performed by Sarah McLachlan




Sleigh Ride
Written by Leroy Anderson & Mitchell Parish
Performed by Ella Fitzgerald

Home For the Holidays

I'll Be Home For Christmas
Written by Kim Gannon, Walter Kent, Buck Ram
Performed by Barbra Streisand





Home For the Holidays
Written by Robert Allen & Al Stillman
Performed by The Carpenters

Let It Snow

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow
Written by Sammy Cahn & Jule Styne
Performed by Idina Menzel





Winter Wonderland
Written by Felix Bernard & Richard B Smith
Performed by Aretha Franklin

Harmony on Spring Hill - Chapter 10 Excerpts

Harmony On Spring Hill is not a political treatise. There are almost no history lessons and even fewer grand plans for world peace. I'm the least qualified person to solve any of those problems. It is a story about a woman, essentially me, who goes to Jerusalem to make a movie. She meets some interesting people, exciting things happen, and everyone who reads it will laugh, cry and put the book down before saying, “That was definitely worth buying. In fact, I should buy extra copies and give them to friends.” Or at least one person.

But ignoring the history in Jerusalem is like going to Paris and not drinking any wine. I went to Paris once. I drank more than enough.

The following excerpt is this book's sole history lesson. I had second thoughts about posting it here. It is not particularly representative of the book as a whole, but it tells an important story that I think needs to be told as often as possible. The best people to tell the story are dying every day. Soon enough, even the rest of us will be gone. Like all stories, this one will dim and get muddled over time.

~~~

Marta lived in Latvia when the war started. The Soviet Union gradually took over the country, fully absorbing it in late 1940. Life got harder for Jewish families until Germany invaded Russia in 1941. Then it got far worse.

Some of Marta's uncles and cousins were killed during the invasion while most of her family was shipped to the Riga Ghetto. Marta described life in the ghetto as if it all happened yesterday and almost laughed when she told the audience how she and her family thought things could not possibly get any worse. If they only knew.

Too many of her relatives and friends were killed in various massacres in the ghetto. Most of her neighbors were killed to make room for newly arriving German Jews. The German soldiers had already stolen most of their possessions when everyone was sent to the ghetto, and then they lost whatever they had left when they were relocated.

Men and women were segregated into separate ghettos, but Marta kept in contact with her father through smuggled notes when he joined the resistance movement. During one operation, he left the ghetto with several other fighters. She never heard from him again.

In winter 1942, Marta, her mother and younger sister were shipped to the Ravensbrück concentration camp in Eastern Germany. The other women in her family were shipped to Auschwitz. Men and boys were sent to various camps or killed in the ghetto.

Almost half of the women and children died in the freezing cold on the train. Ravensbrück did not have a crematorium since it was still considered a forced labor camp at the time, so Marta and her mother had to help move the dead bodies to the nearest facility three hours away.

Most of the prisoners at Ravensbrück were women. They were forced to build ammunition and V-2 rocket parts while the few men worked at the gas chambers. Marta said that she was happy when she got a job cleaning the camp latrines. It was disgusting work, but the guards usually stayed away from her since almost everyone who worked in the latrines developed typhus or other infectious diseases. She had a certain amount of freedom to move around without as much harassment.

Marta's nine-year-old sister was killed when the SS discovered one of the secret schools within the camp. There were hundreds of tiny schools where the adult women did what they could to educate the younger girls. Whenever a school was discovered, everyone involved was punished. In her sister's case, most of the class was shot. The teacher was tortured to death.

Among other acts of defiance, prisoners made trinkets, toys and small pieces of costume jewelry just to have something that reminded them of their former existence. Marta's sister had a small doll that Marta struggled to hide and somehow kept in one piece. When she showed it to the audience seventy years later, we could all tell purely by the look on her face that it was the most important thing in the world to her.

Marta and her mother managed to survive together for about a year before most of the Jewish prisoners were sent to Auschwitz. Ravensbrück was in Germany and the Nazis were making an effort to get all Jews off of German soil, one way or another. Marta was sick in the infirmary with one of those infectious diseases when her mother and thousands of others were sent to Poland. It was assumed that Marta would die, so they simply left her where she was.

When she recovered, somehow, she was moved to a different barrack and worked in the factory that sewed socks for the military. For the first time, Jews were a minority in the camp, but no serious effort was made to send them elsewhere.

For Marta's fourteenth birthday, she was gang raped by five of the female SS guards. She did not go into any detail, but she said that most of the guards carried truncheons and riding crops for regular beatings of prisoners. It was explained to her that a thirteen-year-old was too young to be abused sexually, but fourteen was old enough. Marta felt that she was lucky. Anyone who was raped by male guards was usually beaten to death on the spot or killed soon afterward.

In early 1945, the Russians were making their way to Berlin and Ravensbrück was evacuated. The gas chambers were too small to kill everyone, so prisoners were sent to another camp. Marta arrived by train, but left on foot. The German army no longer had the resources to ship prisoners by rail, so a forced death march was the most destructive solution. The good news was that it was spring, so most of the prisoners would survive the march. The bad news was that they were being sent to a death camp where everyone was scheduled for murder on arrival.

The Soviet army intercepted the march, killed most of the German soldiers and some of the prisoners, and essentially liberated everyone else. They were in Soviet occupied territory, but at least they were free from the camp. Some people have traumatic stories about being lost in the woods. This was the happiest part of Marta's story.

Life gradually carries on. Families attempt to find each other. Millions of people mourn. Adjusting to the aftermath of war takes years. Some never recover. Eventually, monuments and memorials are built. Some want to forget it all and move forward. But enough people understand the importance of remembering the past. As time passes, fewer witnesses are alive to remind us. Soon, there will be no one who was there.

Marta never saw any of her family again. Her mother was murdered at Auschwitz. Everyone else died in death camps or disappeared. She eventually escaped the Soviet Union and made it to Israel. She now lives in Jerusalem and visits Yad Vashem occasionally to talk to people about her experience.

Oral history is an integral aspect of Judaism, but when people like Marta are no longer around to tell their stories, the next generation of storytellers might not be able to tell them as well. There will come a day when Nazi atrocities are far enough in the past that they become more legends than lessons of history. Some day, children will happily dress as Nazis for Halloween just as they now dress as pirates. The impact of what pirates actually did is lost on today's children. Some day, there will be movies with likable actors showing madcap and historically impossible Nazi adventures.

Millions of people in East Asia are already ignorant of what happened. It is simply not something taught in their schools. Hitler is an advertising icon in Thailand and Indonesia, selling soap, comic books and fast food. These people are hardly white supremacists or admirers of Nazi ideology. Hitler means as much to them as Ronald McDonald. Genghis Khan killed millions to build his empire, but is nothing more than a page in history books in most of the world today. Sooner or later, the Holocaust will be remembered just as much.

The Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam is one of the greatest museums in the world. The Louvre and Minneapolis Institute of Art are not too shabby, either. But those tell thousands of different stories from a wide variety of artists over a span of several centuries. The Holocaust History Museum tells the story of a race of people who refused to die.

“The overall message is positive. Humans can be horrendously evil, but they can also persevere and help each other out. The museum talks about genocide, but also how there is always hope for the future. It's kind of an optimistic place. But depressing as hell.”

Copyright © 2016
All Rights Reserved

Laila Tov, Tel Aviv

I just got back from my sixth trip to Israel this year. It will have to be the last. Not only because the year is almost over, but also because I have a job here that likes it when I show up from time to time. Getting days off is pretty easy after the summer rush, but Christmas/real New Year/Chinese New Year is easily the busiest time. Fortunately, Christmas is not the busiest time of year in Tel Aviv at all. Jerusalem has a few good places to go during Christmas, obviously, but if I were there, I don't think I would go to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. It is just too small to handle the crowds they must get.

My first trip to Israel was at the tail end of Independence Day, but I have never seen any major religious holidays. I just missed Yom Kippur. I would really like to see that one. I was there during Lag B'Omer, but I did not even know it was a holiday until someone told me. Independence Day was a giant block party. Lag B'Omer was like Flag Day.

The first time I went to Israel, I thought I was learning a lot about the place. Now that I have been there a few times, I think I know even less than I ever did. I'm not surprised. It took me years to figure out China. In fact, I'm still working on it. But when you go to a place like Israel for the first time, you almost expect a few of the mysteries of the universe to reveal themselves to you. They don't. At least not to me. It is a wonderfully magical place, but I'm just as unenlightened as I was before.

John Lennon

1940-1980

People say I'm crazy doing what I'm doing
Well, they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin
When I say that I'm ok, they look at me kind of strange
Surely you're not happy now, you no longer play the game

People say I'm lazy, dreaming my life away
Well, they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me
When I tell that I'm doing fine watching shadows on the wall
Don't you miss the big time boy, you're no longer on the ball

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry go round
I just had to let it go

People asking questions, lost in confusion
Well, I tell them there's no problem, only solutions
Well, they shake their heads and they look at me as if I've lost my mind
I tell them there's no hurry
I'm just sitting here doing time

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry go round
I just had to let it go

Pearl Harbor

“Yesterday, December 7, 1941 – a date which will live in infamy – the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.

“The United States was at peace with that nation and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with its government and its emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace in the Pacific. Indeed, one hour after Japanese air squadrons had commenced bombing in the American island of Oahu, the Japanese ambassador to the United States and his colleagues delivered to our Secretary of State a formal reply to a recent American message. While this reply stated that it seemed useless to continue the existing diplomatic negotiations, it contained no threat or hint of war or of armed attack.

“It will be recorded that the distance of Hawaii from Japan makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time, the Japanese government has deliberately sought to deceive the United States by false statements and expressions of hope for continued peace.

“The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces. I regret to tell you that very many American lives have been lost. In addition, American ships have been reported torpedoed on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu.

“Yesterday, the Japanese government also launched an attack against Malaya. Last night, Japanese forces attacked Hong Kong. Last night, Japanese forces attacked Guam. Last night, Japanese forces attacked the Philippine islands. Last night, the Japanese attacked Wake Island. And this morning, the Japanese attacked Midway Island. Japan has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the Pacific area. The facts of yesterday and today speak for themselves. The people of the United States have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our nation.

“As commander in chief of the army and navy, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense. But always will our whole nation remember the character of the onslaught against us. No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.

“I believe that I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost, but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us.

“Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory and our interests are in grave danger. With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph, so help us God.

“I ask that the Congress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Japan on Sunday, December 7, 1941, a state of war has existed between the United States and the Japanese Empire.”

--President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 12/8/1941

National Pearl Harbor Memorial

Thanksgiving 2016

Thanksgiving is always hit and miss in Hong Kong. It is not a Chinese holiday, obviously, and is not even celebrated by most of the foreigners here. Most people get into Christmas. Even the locals celebrate, more or less. Christmas is more about shopping than anything else, but at least we get some decorations and Christmas songs.

My roommates are Canadian, so their Thanksgiving is on a different day than mine, but they understand the holiday. We try to celebrate, but that is not always easy.

My first Thanksgiving in Hong Kong was very Chinese. I had no problems with the Chinese food, but I missed dessert. Finding pumpkin pie in China is like trying to find Bigfoot while sober.

A few years ago, my roommates and I went to Otto e Mezzo, a fancy, celebrity chef Michelin star Italian restaurant. It was too crowded and too famous, but the food was genuinely Italian, which is hard to find in China. Good food, but no pumpkin pie.

Last year was my most American Thanksgiving since moving to Hong Kong. It was in Tokyo. Tokyo has more than enough great places to eat, but we found a restaurant run by some American expats who were doing a special Thanksgiving meal. I don't ordinarily seek out American food when I go to Japan, but this was a special occasion. The food was good, but the pumpkin pie was disappointing.

This year, we did Thanksgiving in our apartment. For several years, I lived in a tiny apartment without a kitchen. Hosting Thanksgiving dinner was not an option. Now, we live in a large apartment, by Hong Kong standards, with something that is even harder to find, a real kitchen.

Most of my friends are not American, but there are enough Canadians, and everyone likes a home cooked meal. There were no football games on TV or any parades with giant Snoopy balloons, but since most of our guests were not American, they never noticed. The food was good. That's the important part. I did not make any pumpkin pie because I have never seen a real pumpkin around here. We have Chinese pumpkins, which are not bad, but not the same.

During the planning stages, Lily wondered if I wanted to invite Mthandeni. Before our first date, I thought that would be strange. After our first date, it made more sense. I don't know if this was our second date, but if it was then our first date was on my birthday and our second date was on Thanksgiving. If we don't wait until Christmas for our third date, things are going to start getting ordinary a lot faster than usual.

Birthday Surprise part 2

After my birthday date dinner, I wanted to take a walk on the beach. The restaurant is very close to one of the cleaner beaches in Hong Kong, depending on water quality on any given week. Mthandeni had other plans. He was in a hurry to get somewhere after dinner.

A walk along the beach could have been a romantic first date. It is a great place to talk, which I consider an essential first date activity. He took me ice skating instead. That was a surprise. Ice skating is far from the most popular activity in Hong Kong, but there are a few rinks spread out around the city. When he brought up the subject during dinner, I mentioned that as a Minnesotan, I had plenty of experience. In Hong Kong, you have to skate inside a heavily air conditioned building. In Minnesota, practically any winter lake or river will do. Mthandeni grew up in a place where it snows about once every hundred years. Ice skating was not his thing, but he wanted to go anyway. I thought that was a nice change of pace. Not every guy is willing to do something new where he will most likely fall flat on his butt a few times on a first date.

When we got laced up and went out to the ice, I understood why he was in such a hurry to get me there. About 25 close friends, acquaintances and people I vaguely recognized yelled out, “Surprise.” And it was. I thought I was on a first date with a new guy. I was, but he and Lily worked out a way to get me to a surprise birthday party. I never suspected anything. Partly because it was not my birthday yet and partly because I had no idea that Lily and Mthandeni knew each other existed. They met at the same party where he met me and worked out their plan soon afterward.

Not surprisingly, Mthandeni fell flat on his butt a few times while skating. Thankfully, he took it in stride and never let embarrassment get in the way. People were falling like sacks of potatoes on the ice, so he was not alone. Hong Kong is to winter sports what Los Angeles is to public transportation. Those of us from colder climates spent more time vertically.

The good news is that Mthandeni was definitely not expecting to get some action on the first date. That was never going to happen anyway, but when your date ends at an ice skating rink with about 25 close friends, acquaintances and people you vaguely recognize, it is not especially romantic. No matter what happens in the future, this is one first date I will definitely remember.

Birthday Surprise part 1

I went out on a rare date Saturday night. It was rare because I usually have less than one date a month. Even more surprising was that it went well. I don't know what he might be thinking, but I'm definitely up for a second date.

We went out on Saturday night. My birthday is in the middle of the week, so this was the closest weekend. Once upon a time, in the deep, distant past, my boyfriend and I used to do something special on my birthday. Those days are over. But it was nice to go out and be treated like someone special on a day relatively close to my birthday. I don't exactly live the movie star lifestyle, but I like being pampered on my birthday. Everyone should take 1 day out of 365 and let the people around you treat you like a princess.

I met Mthandeni at our Moon Festival party at the big house back in September. He was attracted to me right away. And why not? I was still working on Harry at the time, so I turned a blind eye to other suitors. After Harry went down the drain, I called Mthandeni. He was pretty surprised. I think if someone has not called you in two months, it is safe to assume they never will. Then again, you never know. Men have rules about how long you are supposed to wait to call. Women don't. At least, not as far as I know. If there was a meeting, I was not invited.

Most people call Mthandeni “Danny”. Probably because it sounds similar and is easier to pronounce. They should call him “Denny” since that is how the end of his name sounds, with a French accent. I have decided to call him Mthandeni because his name is neither Danny nor Denny. There is nothing unique about the name Danny. Mthandeni is nothing but unique, at least to me.

Mthandeni is from South Africa, which is not all that exotic around here. As a former British colony, we get a lot of Australians, Indians, Canadians and South Africans. The British are the least exotic. I doubt they would take that as an insult. I have never met a single British person who thought he was exotic. As an American, most of the locals see me as a Brit with a funny accent. We are questionable, but not exotic.

Mthandeni took me to the Stoep, a South African restaurant with a surprisingly laid back atmosphere. Hong Kong is a city in a hurry, so it is always nice to find those places where you can stop and take a break. I don't know anything about South African food, and my date was from there, making this a good choice. I have sampled a pretty good slice of the world in Hong Kong, but South Africa is new to me. Mthandeni said the owner is from Namibia, but I was never going to notice the difference.

The Stoep had hummus, so I had to try it. I have been spending a lot of time in Israel lately, where every restaurant has their own hummus recipe, and every single place makes it better than I ever can at home. Hummus is such an easy thing to make, and very easy to make mediocre. The Stoep's hummus was far from the best in the world, but that is like comparing a pizza from New York to a pizza from China. Their bread, however, was quite good. It used to be hard to find good bread in Hong Kong, but a few bakeries have started opening up.

Harmony On Spring Hill

As soon as I came back from my first trip to Jerusalem, I started writing about it. The purpose of the trip was to shoot a small part in a small movie. It was difficult to write about the trip without describing the movie and I was not comfortable describing a story written by someone else. I'm sure I could have gotten permission from the copyright holders. A book about the making of the movie would be free publicity. But the more I wrote about it, the more I felt like I was taking credit for someone else's story.

Then I decided to change the movie. Instead of describing the actual movie, I made up my own story. I did not sit down and write a screenplay, but I created enough of a story to write about the making of that movie. That made it much easier to describe the plot and characters since I was not describing anyone else's material.

I have changed the names of pretty much everybody in previous books, and I might have exaggerated some character traits for the purpose of telling the story. This time, I had too many people. It takes a large crew to make even a small, independent movie. When you are in the middle of it, these are all important people. Tom Cruise might be the most famous person in all of his movies, but without hundreds of people doing their jobs around him, he would be nothing. We had a much smaller crew than any Tom Cruise movie, but I could not describe the key players without turning it into a Tolstoy epic. From personal experience, I knew that would be a bad idea.

As soon as I decided to combine several real people into one fictional character, I knew I had to make the entire book a work of fiction. I had a fictional movie plot and fictional people. It just made sense to go full fiction. That tore the whole thing wide open.

When writing about real people and describing something that actually happened, there is a certain responsibility to cover the story accurately and portray the people faithfully. When writing a work of fiction, you can do absolutely anything you want. Not only could I change the movie plot, but I could create composite characters and purely fictional characters out of thin air. I could change locations and time frames. I could have the sky open up to an alien invasion while zombies and dinosaurs defend the Earth. I did nothing quite so stupid, of course, but in a non-fiction book, someone would have questioned such a thing. In fiction, you can have all the dolphins fly away and thank us for the fish.

Harmony On Spring Hill is a work of fiction loosely based on factual events. Eagle-eyed readers might notice that the main character is pretty similar to me. The story is about what I did in Jerusalem, more or less, so I made myself a fictional character. Why not?

Harmony On Spring Hill is available for e-book pre-order on Amazon. It will be released in all formats on December 21st. After that, it will be available at Barnes & Noble, Tower and all the usual retailers.

2 For 1 Sale

Election 2016
2014-2016
RIP
Our long national nightmare is finally over. The “experts” on TV will analyze what happened for a while, but the two year campaign is dead and buried.

I'm not a big fan of changing the Constitution. I think it should be left well enough alone, save for something like abolishing slavery or letting women vote. But I would wholeheartedly support a constitutional amendment limiting presidential campaigns to less than six months. People could announce their candidacy after 4th of July, the primaries could be in August, conventions in September and election day in November.

This would make it much harder for the two corporate parties to spend a billion dollars getting their boys elected. They would still spend entirely too much money, but it might give other parties a chance to compete. Americans are supposed to like competition, but our political system guarantees that only two teams get to play. Imagine the NFL with only two teams. How exciting would that be?

The most obvious benefit, of course, would be far fewer campaign commercials in far less time. I don't know anyone who loves watching campaign bullshit for two straight years. Making it shorter would probably burn out fewer people and increase voter turnout.

This is one reason it would never happen. The Republican and Democratic parties count on low voter turnout. If 100% of eligible voters actually showed up, or even more than 60%, other parties would win a few elections. The people in charge will never let that happen. The question is, why do we?

Declare the Pennies On Your Eyes

Americans love to complain about taxes, especially during an election. Obviously, even 1% is too high if you don't want to pay anything, but there are people throughout Europe paying 40%, 50% or 60% of their income in taxes. I don't know any American who pays anywhere close to that. The average is somewhere around 15%, according to a one second Google search.

Taxes are like gas prices. Americans blame whoever the president is when gas prices go up, as if he sets the rates. When the national average went up to US$3/gallon, there was almost a revolution. At the time, gas cost about US$10 in Hong Kong, and that was not even close to the highest in the world.

When I lived in the United States, I paid around 20% in income tax, but I was single without deductions. The more deductions you have, the less you can pay. And anyone married with children is automatically at a lower rate. Then there are state taxes. Unlike smaller countries, the United States also has income tax based on your state. A few states don't have any income tax, while most are much lower than the federal rate. In Minnesota, I always paid around 7%.

Giving the government 27% of your income seems very high to people in oil rich Arab countries, but is pretty low for people in Sweden or Holland.

I don't live in Minnesota anymore, so I never pay state taxes. But I still get to pay federal taxes. That always surprises my non-American friends. All American citizens, regardless of where they live, are supposed to file taxes. Even if I never go back to the United States, for whatever reason, I am still legally required to file for the rest of my life. Now, if I really never went back, and did not mind them taking away my passport, I could simply not pay anything. They are never going to come and get me.

Like all Americans living in China, I get to pay American and Chinese taxes. Fortunately, the highest Hong Kong rate is somewhere around 15%. Since I am far from the richest person in Hong Kong, I pay a lot less. I'm usually closer to 8%.

That does not mean I'm currently giving 28% of my income to two different governments. The American tax rate is based on all income from anywhere in the world, but the Chinese rate is only based on whatever I earn in China. That affects the math, especially since I'm now earning an income in three different countries.

Since I am now working in Israel, I will get to list all of that income on next year's US tax return. And I get to pay taxes in Israel. Fortunately, China does not care about my Israel income and Israel does not care about my Chinese income. Only the United States wants a piece of everything.

The Israeli tax code might just be as complicated as the American system, but I have a few things on my side. I'm not an Israeli citizen, so I automatically pay a lower rate, and I don't live in Israel, so I'm in some kind of “specialist” category. I don't know all the details yet, but it looks like I can save myself a lot of hassle if I limit all future visits to under 30 days. If I ever stay for over 120 days, I will still be a foreigner who needs a visa, but I will be taxed like a resident.

I don't know if there is a moral to this story. I put myself in this situation. But it is funny that I will never be a billionaire, yet I pay more in income taxes than Donald Trump. I pay taxes in three different countries, yet I complain about taxes less than any American I know. I would much rather deal with all the bureaucracy every year than make so little money that I don't have to pay anything.

Halloween 2016

Halloween has always been a strange holiday, but you have not tricked or treated until you have partied with drunk Chinese people in zombie makeup who have no idea why everyone is dressed up. Just tell them it is the tradition and they will go along. I have met plenty of Chinese people who don't understand Chinese traditions, but follow them anyway. “That's just the way we do it” is good enough.

We have had a big Halloween party every year I have been in Hong Kong. More often than not, I have no idea what kind of costume I'm going to come up with until the last minute. They are usually not very good. Probably because I only come up with them at the last minute. Unfortunately, I'm usually not the worst. Fortunately, there is always someone who put some effort into it and does something interesting. This year, I don't have to worry about it.

I was originally supposed to go back to Tel Aviv at the beginning of November, but now I'm going at the end of October. That means I will not only miss the election, but also Halloween. I'm looking forward to the election as seen through Israeli media. I'm guessing Halloween is not going to be the same.

I have been told Halloween is not very popular in Israel. They have Purim in March, which is more giving to charity than begging the neighbors for candy, but they dress up in wild costumes and party, which is pretty much what Halloween is all about if you are not a child.

I will miss Halloween this year, so no zombies, vampires or pirates for me. But if Trump wins the election, it will still be a scary year.

Party All the Time

I don't normally care that much about politics. Politicians say whatever they think will get them elected, and the higher the office, the fewer campaign promises they will ever keep. Everyone knows it, but people pick sides anyway. Party loyalty is more important than common sense in a country like the United States. It is almost like sports, except people pick their sports teams based on where they live, and they have more realistic expectations. I want the Vikings to win the Super Bowl because I am from Minnesota, but I know that is never going to happen. Political parties are handed down from generation to generation.

I did not particularly care who won in 2012. Obama's first term was disappointing and Romney was an elitist career politician completely out of touch with the people. The funny thing is, there is always at least one elitist career politician completely out of touch with the people in each election. When he is a Republican, Democrats say that is bad. When he is a Democrat, Republicans say that is bad.

Therein lies my biggest problem with politics. It is as hypocritical as any billion dollar church. All of the arguments one party uses against another in one election are reversed in another election. Clinton (D) has experience, which is great according to Democrats and bad according to Republicans. But in 2008, Obama (D) had no experience and that was great according to Democrats and bad according to Republicans.

In 2004, Kerry (D) was criticized by Republicans for going to school in Switzerland and knowing French. Those same Republicans had no problem with Romney (R) living in France and knowing French. The voters did not care either way. Or maybe they did. Both candidates lost.

Democrats always criticize rich Republicans, even though Democrats have had plenty of very wealthy candidates of their own. Bush (R) was a rich elitist in 2000 and 2004, even though his opponents were from extremely wealthy families. Gore (D) followed his father into politics just like Bush, and Kerry (D) was the richest person in the senate. Of the top 10 richest presidents, 5 were Democrats (Kennedy, Jackson, Johnson, Roosevelt, Clinton) and 2 were Republicans (Roosevelt and Hoover). The other 3 were before the Democrats or Republicans existed. Ironically, George Washington is the only president that everyone likes, and he was richer than almost all of them combined.

But the thing is, none of that matters. What their parents did, where they went to school, what they did before running is all irrelevant. Democrats will vote for the Democrat, Republicans will vote for the Republican. No matter what. Party loyalty is more important to Americans than anything else. Or at least to the few Americans who actually vote.

I'm not a member of either party. As an independent, I can vote for anyone. The two corporate parties and the media want everyone to think there are only two parties, but there are usually several in each election. I come from a state where independence is considered a good thing. People assume we are all Democrats because we vote for the Democrat in most presidential elections, but that is partly because Mondale and Humphrey were on the ballot for 20 years. Other parties do well in lower offices. We have had independent and Reform governors, independent and Farmer-Labor senators and mayors from every party imaginable.

Democrats need not fear that I'm not voting for their candidate. She will win my state by a mile. Republicans need not care that I never vote for their presidential candidates. As an absentee voter, my vote is never counted. But I vote anyway. I have every right to vote in my country's elections, no matter where I live. And I have just as much right to vote for people who are not members of the two most corrupt corporate parties the country has ever known.

Dancing Across Asia

I'm going to Tel Aviv on Saturday. As much as I would love to stay as long as I can, this will be a short trip. I'm going for a rehearsal and then I have to come back. I always try to sneak in as much time for myself whenever I travel anywhere, but when you juggle different jobs, you can't always look around.

My next trip will be next month. I will be in Tel Aviv during the election. That should be interesting. It will not be the first time I have watched a presidential election from another country, but it will be my first time from Israel. I'm looking forward to their take on everything. Hong Kong did not seem to care whether Obama or Romney won. Israel might have an opinion on Clinton versus Trump.

Harry part 2

I went out on a second date with Harry. It was nothing special. I don't think there will be a third date. It is not so much that there is anything particularly wrong with him. There was simply no spark. We also have incompatible schedules, so even if we wanted to date, it would be a pain in the butt to find the right times.

Maybe I'm not being fair. I want someone more interesting, more exciting, and yes, more handsome. Maybe that is superficial of me. But none of my ex-boyfriends were the complete package. They had a few good things going for them, but there were always giant red flags that I ignored. Maybe I'm supposed to settle for whoever is available right now, but I don't even like the way that sounds. There is nothing wrong with being single.

We still have the Clear Water Bay house. That means more people coming over. When you have two roommates in an apartment, your friends come over from time to time. When you have a giant house with a swimming pool and hot tub, you are never alone. Through no fault of my own, I have a few phone numbers of eligible young bachelors. There is nothing I like about the idea of dating more than one guy at a time, but I don't see anything wrong with a few phone calls. Maybe having all these other guys around is affecting my decisions about Harry. Most likely.

I thought about inviting Harry to the big house, but he is really hairy. I know how terrible that makes me sound, but we are using that pool like there's no tomorrow. If he went in, it would be clogged for days.

One of my best friends has a cousin with Down syndrome. She loves that pool almost as much as I do. When one of Kevin's coworkers complained that she should not be in the pool for some stupid reason, we kicked the coworker out of the house. Since his boss is also Kevin's boss, there is a pretty good chance that this story might get back to the boss. It is theoretically possible that we might not get to use this house anymore. If that happens, so be it. We will gladly kick out an asshole over someone with Down syndrome any day.

And yet, I don't want Harry in the pool because he is too hairy. Go figure.

Moon Festival 2016

The weather was pretty good over the weekend. Typhoon Meranti was a big one, but it hit nothing until it slammed into Xiamen. By then, it was weaker and did not cause nearly as much damage as it would have if it made landfall earlier. Typhoon Malakas did not come anywhere close to Hong Kong. It curved around Taiwan and headed toward Japan.

Some people in Taiwan had a pretty wet Moon Festival, but skies were clear enough around here to watch all the lanterns set off over the ocean. I have watched countless lanterns float away from Clear Water Bay and Victoria Harbour over the years, but I'm still not used to it. There is no comparable experience where I come from.

The most important part about the Moon Festival, of course, is having a party. This is a big day for family barbecues, but for those of us without family in town, it is a day for friends. We had a party at the big house with friends, friends of friends and people I have never seen before in my life.

One of those people asked me out on a date. I already had a second date with Harry lined up, so I told this new guy to give me his number and I would get back to him. I'm sure he thought I was brushing him off, but I'm not at all comfortable going out with one guy while more or less going out with another.

I have not seen Harry since our first date back in July, but we have talked on the phone a few times. Neither of us is opposed to a second date, but we both seem too busy to really have any kind of dating life. I have only had three dates in the last four months, or last 16 months if you want to get technical. They were all first dates, so they were more like job interviews than spending time with anyone. My second date with Harry will be later this week, if we can both keep our schedules.

Big House 2016

Every year, generally at the end of summer/beginning of autumn, Kevin's boss takes a vacation and leaves town for about a month. He has a beautiful house overlooking the South China Sea at Clear Water Bay. To keep burglars away, water the plants and “not let the maid get tempted”, Kevin looks after the house. His boss might not be the nicest guy in the world, and there is probably more than a little race and/or class prejudice toward the maid, but it is no great hardship to live in a 4 bedroom house on a cliff near the ocean for a month.

Kevin, Lily and I all started staying there when we lived in tiny 1 bedroom box apartments. Now that we live in a decent-size apartment with enough room for everyone, we don't really need to stay at the big house. But we do anyway. It's a really nice house. We don't need the space, but the kitchen has everything and there is a large outdoor deck overlooking the ocean. Best of all, the house has a swimming pool.

Hong Kong has dozens of public swimming pools spread out all over the city. Hongkongers definitely love to swim. They also love to treat their pools like toilets. It is as disgusting as it sounds. The first time I saw a mother hold her young son's penis while he stood on the ledge of the pool and let loose in the water, I was horrified. The first time I saw an adult man do something even worse, I knew I would never go back to a public pool ever again.

The swimming pool at the Clear Water Bay house is entirely private. That means it is clean and will remain clean. I plan on using it every day. I'm sure Lily and Kevin will use it as much as they want. We might invite a few people over to use it as well. I guarantee that none of us will treat it like a toilet.

Today is the beginning of the Moon Festival. Tomorrow is the official holiday. It is also Friday, and we are at the house, so we are having a party. That pool deck is a pretty good place to host a dozen friends. The view is amazing and spilling alcohol outdoors never hurt anyone. There is a typhoon headed our way, but it's not supposed to hit Hong Kong. We will have to wait and see how it affects the lanterns.

Hong Kong Elections

Hong Kong held elections last week, almost two years after the big umbrella protests. A lot of people were expecting some big changes. The protests brought out huge crowds and pretty much shut down parts of Admiralty for longer than Beijing wanted the world to know. In the end, it never really made much difference.

The pro-Beijing parties lost three seats. But the pro-democracy parties also lost three seats. The smaller anti-establishment parties got a few seats, which some called a great victory, but they mostly never had any before this election, so they had nowhere to go but up. I read an article about how ironic it was that the anti-establishment parties did so well when the pro-democracy candidates who believe in pretty much the same things did poorly. But it was not ironic at all. Beijing forced several pro-independence candidates to drop out while a few prominent pro-democracy candidates dropped out on their own. Without the famous names, it was no surprise that people voted for more unknown, new options.

The largest party, DAB, is pro-Beijing and was the largest before and after the election. They have been in charge for the last decade and don't seem to be going away anytime soon. The Civic Party, the largest pro-democracy party, goes up and down with every election. Maybe if the Umbrella Movement was less than a year before the elections, something might have changed. Two years is plenty of time for people to be distracted by the latest cell phones and TV shows.

9/11

Gotta Act, Gotta Dance

I was originally supposed to go to Jerusalem for the big premiere, which I did, but I also went to Tel Aviv for some rehearsals.

The Jerusalem premiere was just like a big studio Hollywood premiere in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater. Except there were far fewer people, no searchlights, not nearly as many flashing paparazzi lights and the theater looked like a normal building. Israel does not seem to have the paparazzi problem of the United States. They exist, and a couple of the people involved in this movie are well known to the Israeli public, but I never noticed any photographers hell bent on getting the perfect shot at all costs.

There was a red carpet, for some reason, but no giant mob of screaming fans. There were fans, but it was nothing like The Beatles landing at JFK. It was more like a James Taylor concert at the LDS Conference Center in Salt Lake City. Either way, no one was there to see me. Most people probably thought I was someone's guest or personal assistant.

The movie itself was amazing. I can say that without sounding like I'm bragging because I am barely in it. A team of professional artists and filmmakers are responsible for everything good about this movie. Most of it is in Hebrew, and there were no English subtitles at the premiere, but I knew what was going on because I had an English version of the script.

And that is the saddest part about this entire experience. Most of the world will never see this movie because it is not in English. Non-English speaking countries put subtitles on English language movies all the time. Most of the world is used to subtitled movies. In places like China, everything is subtitled, even if the movie is in Chinese. But most of the world only wants to see movies that are either in their language or in English with subtitles in their language. That's a shame. One of the best movies I have ever seen was about the effects of Mao's Cultural Revolution on children. It is a Chinese movie about China, so it is in Chinese. It never played in any American theaters. It was a hit in China, but I don't know if it ever went to any other country.

After my five minutes as a movie star in Jerusalem, I went to Tel Aviv. I will be in a show opening in November, so I went to a few rehearsals. I have every intention of going back for more rehearsals, but it's not like I can be there every day. It is also not like I need to. The rehearsal schedule is pretty open. One of the greatest things about working with people who know their job is that everyone gets on the same page fairly easily. In high school, it took a full semester just to work out a simple sequence. In the world of professional adults, we will be ready for curtain in ten weeks.

Gene Wilder

Gene Wilder died while I was in Jerusalem. The only positive I can think of is that he died while listening to Ella Fitzgerald's version of “Over the Rainbow”.

His work as a director was hit and miss. The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother is underappreciated brilliance. Haunted Honeymoon, not so much. He was more successful as a writer. Young Frankenstein, The World's Greatest Lover, The Woman in Red. But more than anything else, he will always be remembered for his acting. He played Billy Bibbit, John Quincy Adams, John Tyler, Robert Todd Lincoln, Rutherford Hayes on Broadway, and Sid Caesar in London's West End. On screen, he played Leo Bloom, Willy Wonka, Dr Doug Ross, The Waco Kid, Dr Frederick Frankenstein, Sigerson Holmes, Rudy Valentine, Rabbi Avram Belinski.

He was in the Broadway premieres of Grahame Greene's The Complaisant Lover with Sandy Dennis and Michael Redgrave; Bertolt Brecht's Mother Courage and Her Children, directed by Jerome Robbins and starring Anne Bancroft and Barbara Harris; Ken Kesey's One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, starring Kirk Douglas, Joan Tetzel, William Daniels; AE Hotchner's The White House, starring Helen Hayes and Fritz Weaver; and starred in Murray Schisgal's Luv with Barbara Bel Geddes and Larry Blyden.


Bonnie and Clyde
directed by Arthur Penn
written by Robert Benton & David Newman
produced by Warren Beatty
starring Warren Beatty, Faye Dunaway, Michael J Pollard, Gene Hackman, Estelle Parsons, Gene Wilder

The Producers
Directed & written by Mel Brooks
Music by John Morris
Starring Zero Mostel, Gene Wilder, Dick Shawn, Estelle Winwood, Christopher Hewett, Kenneth Mars, Lee Meredith, Andreas Voutsinas

Start the Revolution Without Me
directed by Bud Yorkin
starring Gene Wilder, Donald Sutherland, Rosalind Knight, Orson Welles

Quackser Fortune Has a Cousin in the Bronx
directed by Waris Hussein
starring Gene Wilder, Margot Kidder

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
directed by Mel Stuart
written by Roald Dahl
starring Gene Wilder, Jack Albertson, Peter Ostrum, Julie Dawn Cole, Roy Kinnear

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask)
directed & written by Woody Allen
“What Is Sodomy?” starring Gene Wilder

Rhinoceros
directed by Tom O'Horgan
starring Gene Wilder, Zero Mostel, Karen Black

Blazing Saddles
Directed by Mel Brooks
Written by Andrew Bergman, Mel Brooks, Richard Pryor, Norman Steinberg
Music by John Morris
Starring Cleavon Little, Gene Wilder, Harvey Korman, Madeline Kahn, Slim Pickens, Mel Brooks, Burton Gilliam, Alex Karras, David Huddleston, Liam Dunn, John Hillerman, George Furth, Jack Starrett, Carol Arthur, Dom DeLuise, Robert Ridgely

The Little Prince
directed & produced by Stanley Donen
written by Alan Jay Lerner
music by Alan Jay Lerner & Frederick Loewe
starring Steven Warner, Richard Kiley, Bob Fosse, Gene Wilder

Young Frankenstein
Directed by Mel Brooks
Written by Gene Wilder & Mel Brooks
Music by John Morris
Starring Gene Wilder, Peter Boyle, Marty Feldman, Cloris Leachman, Teri Garr, Madeline Kahn, Kenneth Mars, Gene Hackman, Liam Dunn, Mel Brooks

The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother
Directed & written by Gene Wilder
Music by John Morris
Starring Gene Wilder, Madeline Kahn, Marty Feldman, Dom DeLuise, Leo McKern, Douglas Wilmer, Thorley Walters, Mel Brooks, Albert Finney

Silver Streak
directed by Arthur Hiller
written by Colin Higgins
produced by Thomas Miller & Edward Milkis
starring Gene Wilder, Richard Pryor, Jill Clayburgh, Ned Beatty, Patrick McGoohan, Ray Walston, Scatman Crothers

The World's Greatest Lover
directed, written & produced by Gene Wilder
starring Gene Wilder, Carol Kane, Dom DeLuise, Danny DeVito, Fritz Feld, Ronny Graham

The Frisco Kid
directed by Robert Aldrich
starring Gene Wilder, Harrison Ford, Val Bisoglio, Penny Peyser, Frank De Vol, Vincent Schiavelli

Sunday Lovers
“Skippy” directed & written by Gene Wilder
starring Gene Wilder, Kathleen Quinlan, Luis Ávalos

Stir Crazy
directed by Sidney Poitier
written by Bruce Jay Friedman
starring Gene Wilder, Richard Pryor, Georg Stanford Brown, JoBeth Williams, Craig T Nelson, Luis Ávalos

Hanky Panky
directed by Sidney Poitier
starring Gene Wilder, Gilda Radner, Richard Widmark, Kathleen Quinlan

The Woman in Red
directed & written by Gene Wilder
soundtrack by Stevie Wonder
starring Gene Wilder, Gilda Radner, Kelly LeBrock, Charles Grodin, Joseph Bologna, Judith Ivey

Haunted Honeymoon
directed by Gene Wilder
written by Gene Wilder & Terence Marsh
starring Gene Wilder, Gilda Radner, Dom DeLuise, Jonathan Pryce

See No Evil, Hear No Evil
directed by Arthur Hiller
written by Gene Wilder, Eliot Wald, Andrew Kurtzman, Earl Barret, Arne Sultan
music by Stewart Copeland
starring Gene Wilder, Richard Pryor, Joan Severance, Kevin Spacey

Funny About Love
directed by Leonard Nimoy
written by David Frankel & Norman Steinberg
starring Gene Wilder, Christine Lahti, Mary Stuart Masterson, Wendie Malick, Anne Jackson

Another You
directed by Maurice Phillips
written & produced by Ziggy Steinberg
starring Gene Wilder, Richard Pryor, Mercedes Ruehl, Kevin Pollak

World Premieres, Red Carpets, The Usual

I have been invited to the world premiere of the movie I did in Jerusalem. Will it be as extravagant as a Hollywood premiere? I'm going to go ahead and guess no. This was a small movie with a crew the size of a student film at UCLA. The entire budget was smaller than just the marketing budget of a Hollywood comic book movie.

I don't know how they do premieres in Jerusalem, but I'm not expecting paparazzi and legions of screaming fans. If there is a red carpet, I probably will not be allowed to walk on it. My part is so small, they might make me walk on the sidewalk like a common criminal.

Lily recently pointed out that I was cut out of the last movie I did. I don't think that is going to happen this time. If they cut out my part, it would change the tone of the story. My part is small, but important, like Greedo. If they cut out Greedo, no one could argue about who shot first. I also don't think they would invite me to the premiere and send me plane tickets if they cut my part.

I'm looking forward to going back to Jerusalem. I can pick up some more spices. I'm not looking forward to going to Jerusalem in August. It's at the end of August, but still going to be entirely too hot. Hong Kong is oppressively humid in August, but not nearly as hot as Jerusalem. Does Yves Saint Laurent make sunscreen?

Full Disclosure

How much should you reveal about yourself on a first date? I think if you have a child, you might want to mention that. If you were abducted by aliens who implanted GPS tracking in your brain, maybe save that for another time.

Lance told me over ice cream that he had testicular cancer a few years ago. And, yes, that is why I'm calling him Lance. His story was interesting. Having never had any testicles myself, it is educational to hear someone talk about going from two to one. Even though most people will never look at you and know, there must be some kind of psychological effect to having fewer man bits.

He might have described the surgical procedure in too much detail, but I was surprised by how they drop the ball. I always assumed they cut through the scrotum and cut it out, but apparently they cut into the lower abdomen, yank it out and snip it off. I don't know if that makes it easier for the surgeon, but a scar on your abdomen has to be easier than a scar on your scrotum.

In Lance's case, this was all done a long time ago in Canada and he has fully recovered. He gets checked out every once in a while, but he is completely cancer free. That's good news, of course, but during this discussion, he forced me to think about his genitals. I don't know if that was intentional or if he was just describing an important issue in his life, but it might be a brilliant way to get a girl to picture your balls.

We have only had one date, so I have not seen his scar or anything else, but I have definitely thought about his crotch more than I would have otherwise.

First World Problems

No air conditioning. In Hong Kong. In August. Nothing could be worse.

Our air conditioning went out yesterday. The building has central air and heating, so it is not as simple as changing an air filter or replacing a unit. When it goes out, someone has to figure out where the problem is. It could be one of the big machines on the roof or one of the big machines in the basement. It could be one of the connections between one of those machines and our apartment. It could be a million different things.

Fortunately, we never use the heater. It has never been cold enough here.

The day without air conditioning was a nightmare. Opening some windows is not an option. Just one open window would bring in every mosquito in the country. They lie in wait, ready to pounce in an instant. Just opening the door to the balcony is tempting fate.

Fans exist, but we only have a tiny little fan that is more of a joke than anything else. We don't really need any fans because we have central air.

I would have left the apartment for the day, but I had things to do indoors. You can't always spend the day at the mall.

While sitting in my own private sauna, I was fully aware that millions of people in the world deal with genuine hardships every single day. I have shelter, plenty of food and more than enough clean water. But it was still terrible.

When the air conditioning came back on, it was the greatest thing in the world. Maybe it's sad that I'm so dependent on such a modern convenience, but that cool air feels much better than the oppressive humidity.

Typhoon Nida

Typhoon Nida was the second typhoon of the season and the first to hit Hong Kong. Typhoon Nepartak was larger, and brought plenty of rain, but hit north of us in Fujian.

As usual, the authorities issued their warnings and everyone braced for impact. As usual, it was a tempest in a teapot. There was some rain, but this is the rainy season. We will probably get a foot of rain this month with or without any typhoons. There was some wind that knocked down a few trees, but we have all seen worse. Hong Kong is a pretty strong city. It takes more than heavy wind to bring any of these buildings down. It is usually the Philippines and Mainland China that gets hit the hardest. Thankfully, I have not heard about any deaths from Nida yet.

When I first moved here, it bothered me when it looked like everyone was panicking and then nothing really happened. It's not that I wanted to watch a catastrophe, but I did not understand why everyone was so worried about a little wind and rain.

Now, I'm glad that the government takes each typhoon so seriously. Most of the typhoons since I have been here never warranted shutting everything down, but it is better that they take the precautions than ignore it and get hit by a bigger storm than anyone expected. As it is, even the smallest typhoons will close down government offices, schools and most transportation. I used to find that frustrating, but now I appreciate getting a day off work. My apartment balcony is an especially nice place to watch a typhoon whirl by.

Unconventional 2016

I watched a tiny patch of the Republican convention and even less of the Democratic convention. I don't see why these conventions have to spread out over a few days. They used to pick their candidates at the convention, but now we all know who it is going to be long before anyone breaks out the balloons and straw hats. Today's conventions are little more than pep rallies to stroke egos. This may be an unusual election, but I care about it less than usual.

Republicans will say I should care because if Clinton is elected, the country will fall apart, the terrorists will take over and the ground will open up and swallow the United States in a biblical rage.

Democrats will say I should care because if Trump is elected, he will declare himself dictator, outlaw every religion and race and turn the country into a police state.

I doubt either will happen. Clinton would most likely be a standard Democratic president. The economy will improve slightly while Republicans fight her every step of the way, calling her the worst president in the history of the world. In the end, she will be neither best nor worst. Unless some extraordinary event challenges her and she either rises or falls. Lincoln would not be considered great without the Civil War, just as Hoover would not be a failure without the Great Depression. Neither president caused those events, but how they reacted determined how history remembers them. Then again, Hillary Clinton has a vagina, so any speculation about her presidency is purely academic. I would bet big money she does not win.

I don't know what kind of president Trump would be, but that is only because he is not really a Republican and the only time he tells us what he would do, it is something unconstitutional or well beyond the president's authority. The Great Wall of Mexico and deporting Muslims is never going to happen. He says horribly racist things and wants people to believe that he is dangerous, but when you look beyond the show, he has never said or done anything original. His ranting and raving is simply white noise. Unfortunately, I think he stands a pretty good chance of winning. Not because he has anything to offer, but because he has absolutely nothing to offer. Americans are very grumpy right now, and grumpy old grampa Trump is the kind of person they can look to for some good old fashioned nonsense. With any luck, he will surround himself with people who are far more experienced and they can determine policy while he whines on Twitter. But I think he will more likely pick corporate executives who fail quickly, and his administration will have a high turnover rate.

This two-year election will be over in a few months and CNN can get back to endless stories about Syria. One of the greatest things about living outside of the United States is that I don't have to see any campaign commercials, but CNN has been reporting every single thing that comes out of Trump's mouth for the last year and a half. No matter what happens on election night, at least that will stop.

Woolly Mountain Pass

I went on another date last weekend. I was not about to give up after the last one. That one was so bad that I was determined to go out with a strange man and not have it end in complete failure.

I met Harry through a mutual friend of a friend. Harry is not his real name, but I'm calling him that for obvious reasons. He is a German who works for some kind of financial company.

When we first talked on the phone, I liked how nervous he was. He was not babbling idiot nervous, but just nervous enough to show that he was not an arrogant narcissist. Most men want to sound confident, and I understand that completely, but when they overcompensate, they come across as pompous. Harry seemed humble, which is pretty rare in the Twitter Age, and a little shy.

He suggested we go for a morning run, which surprised me. Everyone wants to look their best on a first date, and no one looks their best while running in the oppressive July humidity of Hong Kong. But when he mentioned Bowen Road, I knew that he knew what he was talking about.

Bowen Road is one of the most popular places for joggers and walkers in Hong Kong. It is tucked away in the mountains, so no one accidentally stumbles onto it. You have to know where it is to get there. It is also a great place to run or walk since the road is away from Hong Kong traffic and shaded by mountain trees. Cars are completely blocked from a long stretch of three or four different paths. There are plenty of dogs off their leashes, but they are pets rather than strays, and even stray dogs are safer than Hong Kong drivers.

When Harry and I first saw each other, we were in our running clothes, which is a lot different from seeing someone for the first time in their Sunday best. Running clothes are more realistic. Except for Harry's. When he took off his jacket and sweatpants, he was wearing a tank top and 1970s style gym shorts. I never know what is fashionable at any given time, but I'm pretty sure this was not.

What surprised me more than what he was wearing was what he was packing under those clothes. The tank top did nothing to stop all that hair poking out from his chest, shoulders and back. When he took off the sweatpants, I thought he was wearing fur leggings.

After a brief conversation about nothing in particular, we set off down the path. I was tempted to really run and see if he could keep up, but I know how competitive some men can be. If I ran faster, he would get upset and pout. If he ran faster, he would become unbearable and gloat. It was also the middle of July. We stuck with light jogging and some walking. He drank plenty of water, but it was hard to tell if he was struggling to keep up or simply hydrating. While running in Hong Kong, you should always drink more water than you want.

Bowen Road has a few spots where decent views of the city peek out between the trees. We stopped a few times and talked about this and that. It was nothing magical, but we did not annoy each other either.

I don't know if there will be a second date. I like to think I'm not a superficial person, but he was really hairy. It bothered me more than it should. I can't tell him to wax since I would never let a man tell me what hair should stay and what should go.

Other than his fur coat, everything seemed ok. We did not get to know each other in any meaningful way, but it was only one date. If there is ever another, maybe we will talk more. We definitely can't go swimming. He would clog the drains.

Tel Aviv Audition part 2

I went to Tel Aviv for an audition last week. It went very well. Afterward, I had one of the best interviews of my life. We all got along like old friends. We all wanted the same thing, so it was like having a quick visit before everyone had to go somewhere else. I'm now a visiting performer at the Suzanne Dellal Center. That appeals to me for a variety of reasons.

Suzanne Dellal is the leading non-ballet dance institution in Israel. They have not only the premier venue in the country, but also most of the leading dance companies and what is probably the best academy. They are also Mikhail Baryshnikov's favorite dance center in Israel. That's nothing to sneeze at. He knows a thing or two about dance.

The bad news is that I will not be performing in anything right away. Everything is fully booked. But I will not have to wait until next season since this is a full year operation rather than one of those seasonal centers. When you join a ballet company, you have to get in at the right time since they don't perform year round.

The good news is that I will not be performing in anything right away. I have a day job. Getting a few days off is one thing, but taking a month off right after I took a month off is pushing it. It is also summer. Tel Aviv is only going to get hotter before it cools off. I would like to see the different seasons, but I don't mind if I can avoid August.

Another Day, Another Shooting

Police officers shot a young black man in St Paul who had a broken tail light. What I find unbelievable is not so much that the police shot a young black man. That seems to be alarmingly common. What I can't believe is that it happened in Minnesota. That's something that happens in the south, California and Wisconsin. If it can happen in Minnesota, it can happen anywhere. Maybe not in Vermont. If you are one of the five young black men there, you probably already know how to avoid the police.

Now people are shooting the police in Dallas. I'm not on Facebook, so I don't have all the answers to society's problems, but I doubt making the police more paranoid is going to help anybody.

Whenever I go to Israel, people always warn me that Israel is a dangerous place, even though it is not. No one has ever told me to be careful when going to the United States. Then again, I am not a young black man.

7/4/16

Tel Aviv Audition

I went to Tel Aviv last month. I was only there for a few days, but I met some people and we did some talking. Now I have an audition next week.

I'm not moving to Tel Aviv. That is not likely to ever happen. I am not even leaving Hong Kong. I'm sure that will happen some day, but not today. If all goes well at this audition, I will go to Tel Aviv from time to time for specific performances. This is not a full time gig. It's more like serving in the National Guard. They will call me up when they want to.

Since this is not any kind of regular job, it will not pay particularly well. I'm kind of amazed they are even willing to pay anything at all. But I'm not doing it for the money. I'm in it for the experience. If you are a performer and someone wants you to perform on the other side of the world in a country you don't understand, you take it. I have to assume it will be very educational. It also does not hurt the CV.

In any event, it's too soon to make any plans. I have not even auditioned yet. I like to be optimistic, but I could always blow it and none of this will matter.

English #1 Ok

Ever since I moved to Hong Kong, other expats and would-be expats have asked me about English teaching jobs in Hong Kong. I could never tell them anything because I have never taught English in Hong Kong and I never really knew anyone who did. Until now.

When Lily went to Canada just before her father died, she lost her job here. When she came back, she had 90 days to either get a work visa or leave the country. When I was in Jerusalem, she got a job. Now she works in a cram school.

Cram schools are essentially where students go after their regular school to study whatever subject they are not testing as well in as their parents would like. Most cram schools are English, but they also have math, science and whatever is in demand.

Not that many years ago, foreigners flocked to East Asia to teach English. It was considered an easy job that paid well and left plenty of time off to party and go to bars, not to mention all the cheap and easy travel opportunities that you only get when you live in East Asia.

Those days are over. It is still easier to travel around Asia when you live here, but too many foreigners flooded the market. Now, the schools can pick and choose more than they used to. That means more competition for jobs and more qualifications and requirements needed to get what few jobs are available.

The bare minimum government requirements are a bachelor's degree from a recognized university, no criminal record and native English speaker status. You have to be from the UK, US, Australia, Canada, New Zealand or South Africa. If you are from anywhere else, they assume you are not a native English speaker, no matter how good your English might be.

Now that there are too many foreigners looking at too few jobs, more schools are requiring degrees in English and previous teaching experience and/or certification. It is also easier for them to discriminate based on nationality. They have always preferred Americans, Brits and Canadians, but they used to take whoever they could get back when there were fewer foreigners. You are also out of luck if you happen to be over a certain age, black or Asian. Ironically, most schools don't want Chinese Americans, even if English is their native language and they were born and raised in America. Some ads will even state “No ABCs”, meaning no American Born Chinese. Since these are English schools, they should probably come up with a different acronym.

Not only are there more foreigners than there used to be, but schools are moving more toward internet and virtual classes. That means each school needs to hire fewer teachers to teach more students. Instead of 1 teacher for every 20 students in a classroom, they can have 1 teacher for 100+ students online.

Lily lucked out in a few ways. She is young, female and Canadian. Schools like all of those things. She has also been living in Hong Kong for several years. That tells schools that she is not going to run away any time soon. Hiring someone right off the boat is always dangerous. You never know who can't handle living in a foreign country until it is too late. And she already had a work visa, so she has already been government approved. That makes life a lot easier for the schools.

Lily just started working at her school, so she does not have many amusing stories yet, but from what I have heard from other EFL teachers, she will have plenty sooner or later.

Smart Phone, Stupid Date

I went out on my first date in a hundred years. Maybe less. It was definitely my first date since Ryan. It was my first first date since high school.

I was supposed to have a date with a guy I met on New Year's Eve, but I had a touch of the bird flu and he did not want to wait. Six months later, I was back out in the jungle. No one has ever accused me of moving too fast. Knowing that this was my first first date since high school, I did not want to put too much pressure on it. Dating a new person is hard enough on its own.

We went to a trendy restaurant. It was not the kind of place I would normally go, but I'm trying to be open to new experiences. Isn't that what dating is all about? He had made a reservation and we were seated as soon as we arrived, while other people had to wait for a table.

“They know me around here,” he bragged.

We sat down and the waitress, who did not seem to know him at all, handed us our menus.

“We don't need that,” he proclaimed. “We'll take two dao xiao mian, two wonton soups and some hunhe shucai.”

I don't mind if someone orders for me, but I generally prefer it when they know the first thing about me. This guy had absolutely no idea what I like or don't like. I could hate bok choy or be allergic to the peanuts in the noodles. Thankfully, I'm not, but my date never knew that. You want the first date to go well. My favorite food in the world could have been on that menu, but since he did not know me, he could have ordered something I can't stand. Trying to impress someone can seriously backfire if you are too cocky.

He also tried to order in Chinese, which is a bad idea if you don't know Chinese. The people who work at the tourist restaurants will smile and try to figure out what you are trying to say, but at the local restaurants, they will look at you like you just ordered a monkey smoothie. They were used to foreigners at this restaurant, but they were too busy that night to smile and play along. I'm not complaining that my date did not speak Chinese. I don't know it as well as I thought I would have by now. It just seemed like he did it for my benefit, but all he did was show me how bad his Chinese was. If you want to impress me with a foreign language, speak Catalan or Swahili. Chinese is not all that rare around here.

Waiting for our food, I was fully prepared to play 20 questions. Isn't that what a first date is? You tell him your life story and he tells you his. Maybe I should just refer future dates to this blog. Maybe that is what first dates are now, reading each other's Facebook page.

What I was not expecting was for him to immediately whip it out. His phone, that is. Instead of asking me my favorite color and where I went to kindergarten, he had to update all of his social media statuses. Instead of talking about each other, or even just talking about himself, he talked to the internet.

I was immediately annoyed, but tried to be patient at first. These “smart phones” are my generation's technology, but I never got into it. I can appreciate what today's phones can do, but I think people should interact with the other people around them more than shut out the world and look at cat pictures.

When the food came, I thought he might put his phone down. This shows you how little I know about how important it is to show the internet pictures of every meal you eat. The good news was that he never tried to take any pictures of me. But while he was looking for the perfect angle to capture the oil glistening off his fried vegetables, I casually got up and walked out of the restaurant.

At least half an hour later, I got a text message.

Him: where r u
Me: I don't know what that means.
Him: where are you
Me: What difference does it make? I left an hour ago and you just noticed.
Him: (some kind of smiley face)
Him: r we hooking up l8r
Me: I don't know how to do a “not in a million years” laughing emoticon on this thing.
Him: i dont get it
Him: (cartoon question mark)
Me: No harm, no foul. Enjoy your phone.

Call me old fashioned, but I think you should date for a few years before you ignore each other in public.

Taipei Audition

I went to Taipei for an audition last Thursday. The part was not what I expected and I will turn it down if offered. But since I was in Taipei anyway, I made a long weekend of it.

The first time I went to Taipei, I stayed at the Home Hotel, a nice boutique hotel in the Xinyi neighborhood. The second time, I stayed at a business hotel in Zhongzheng. This time, I was at the Howard Plaza at Zhongxiao Fuxing, no relation to Howard Johnson. It was another standard business hotel with rooms that look like every other business hotel, but it was in an interesting neighborhood.

The hotel is a large cube with an empty cavern in the center. All the hallways and room doors face the empty space. There is also a large dining area on the ground floor. It looks like a nice place to eat, but sitting at the bottom of a cavern is not ideal if you want a quiet meal. It might be better to eat in an echo chamber. The hotel breakfast was acceptable, but after Tel Aviv, I am ruined forever. The Tel Aviv hotel had the best breakfast I have ever had anywhere. I'm still trying to figure out how to make shakshuka with the spices I brought home.

Food on this trip was not a problem since this was in the middle of Taipei. The Zhongxiao Fuxing neighborhood is basically shopping and food with a large MRT station that will get you anywhere in the city. There are two Sogo department stores across the street from each other, connected by a subway mall. The back alleys around the larger streets are full of restaurants, mostly Taiwanese and Chinese, but there were a few Japanese and Thai. One of the best things about the neighborhood was the lack of American restaurants. There was a McDonald's and Starbucks, of course. Those are everywhere. But any neighborhood without a single KFC is a huge plus.

The hotel is an easy walk to Da'an Park, a nice green place to walk around in the middle of the hustle and bustle. It is about as big as Kowloon Park, without all the buildings. This is the kind of park I would use for a morning run if it were not 99% humidity every day.

Just west of Da'an Park is the 228 Peace Park and Chiang Kai Shek Memorial, which is also called Democracy Memorial Park. I'm pretty sure Chiang Kai Shek Memorial is not the official name anymore, but that's what everyone calls it. Either way, I stayed in the Zhongzheng neighborhood last time, so I already saw it.

Not far east of Zhongxiao Fuxing is Xinyi. That is where I stayed the first time and I seem to always go back. I don't care about the shopping, but they have the closest Krispy Kreme, and a nice bakery directly under one of the tallest buildings in the world.

Taipei has smaller parks along the Keelung River, and I wanted to check some of those out this time, but it rained pretty much the entire time I was in the city. Maybe someday I will go when it is dry. Or at least not soaking wet. If Taipei is anything like Hong Kong, it is never really dry.

The hotel had a clean swimming pool, but I did not bring a bathing suit. Walking around Taipei in June was almost like swimming.

Hong Kong Airport 1515

I am in Hong Kong, waiting for the Airport Express to take me home.

This will be my last post with Lily's phone. It worked better than I thought it would. I thought I would just use the phone to call Lily every night and leave it in the hotel during the day, but I carried it around with me practically everywhere. I can see why they call it a smart phone. I can almost see why people like them so much, but I still think you should pay more attention to the world around you than to some phone in your hand.

I saw some amazing things in Israel, but the biggest surprise was that everyone else was also looking at the history. I am sure all those people had phones, but those phones were less important than the history. Maybe that only works in Israel. It is certainly not true in Hong Kong. Go to any historic site in Hong Kong and most of the people there are staring at their phones.

The new technology can do some incredible things, but is still only a tool. I can't think of any tool I want to stare at all day. I will stick to my old phone.

Tel Aviv 2015

I am at Ben Gurion Airport. My flight leaves in two hours, but I got here far too early because everyone says you have to get to the airport early because the security is so strict. This is bad advice, at least from what I have seen. The security process is definitely different, but did not take any longer than any other airport.

They have layers of security here rather than just one checkpoint like most airports. A guard talked to the taxi driver before we could even drive in. Another guard looked at my passport and asked me a few questions before I could check in. The questions were simple – where are you from, where are you going, what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. It is how you answer that matters. These are well trained security personnel and it shows. They pay as much attention to how you say it as what you say. This is not the TSA.

After a few quick questions, I was pointed to one of several different lines. I don't know what determines which line everyone goes in, but I was in the fast line. I don't think they want you to know why. They like to mix it up around here and keep people on their toes. It is probably harder to buck the system if you do not even understand the system.

Checking in was normal, except that I had a short conversation with the woman who gave me my boarding pass. Usually they just stare at their computers and grunt. The biggest difference in Israel is that security personnel actually talk to everyone.

The fun part was the pressure chamber x-ray machine. You put your bags in and if there is anything explosive inside, the machine detonates your bag right then and there. No fuss, no muss. No one's bag exploded while I was there. If you don't have anything explosive, it is just like any x-ray machine.

I can't understand why all airports don't do this. Well, I can. Money. Those machines cannot be cheap. It must be far cheaper to have a bunch of high school dropouts feel you up and tell everyone to throw their drinks and shampoo away. While Israel has genuine security who talk to every single person in the airport and watch how they respond, the United States tells everyone to take off their shoes and jump a bunch of hoops that do absolutely nothing to make anyone safer. The American checkpoints are less secure, more obtrusive and take far longer. Everyone knows their system is broken, but fixing it requires a dozen different committees to all agree, and you can't get more than two Americans to agree on anything once it becomes a political topic.

After the last security check, I was in the departure area with too much time on my hands. This airport is a shopping mall, just like every other airport, but the last thing I need is a two gallon bottle of duty free perfume. I might get a snack before the flight, but hopefully, I will mostly sleep on the plane.

Jerusalem Hotel 2315

This was an unusual day. I woke up in Tel Aviv, said goodbye to that city, went to Jerusalem and now I am saying goodbye to this city. And it all happened during Shabbat, when everything feels unusual anyway.

Shabbat is over and Jerusalem is awake again. But it is almost midnight now, so everything is winding down. Everything will be open and alive tomorrow, but that is when I leave. I don't want to leave, but I have to. I have loved every minute in this country, but I have a life at home. The people here have been welcoming and friendly, but they are not my people. My people are in China, of all places. Jerusalem has been like a dream land. Hong Kong is my real life.

I am really going to miss Jerusalem. It has been good to me and is a truly magical place. I have always heard people say great things about Jerusalem, but I just thought it was some old historic city in the desert. It is not actually in any desert and is a million times more than some old ruin.

My flight leaves late tomorrow, so I will have plenty of time to look around and say goodbye before I go back to the real world.

Jerusalem Hotel 1545

I am back in Jerusalem, at the same hotel and looking at the same view out the window. I am in a different room, but facing the same direction.

It started to rain in Jerusalem as soon as I left for Tel Aviv, but is back to sunny and hot. The funny part is, now it looks like it might rain in Tel Aviv, but it was bone dry the entire time I was there. Wherever I go in this country is sunny and hot. It only cools off when I go somewhere else.

We are shooting my very last scene today. That is the reason I came back to Jerusalem. That is the reason I am still in the country. They kept me around for one little scene with a few lines of dialogue. It should be a quick shoot, and then I am done. The rest of the cast and crew still have work to do, but this is it for me.

Tel Aviv Hotel 2315

It's amazing how much you can do in a single day when you don't have to go to work.

I spent the morning rollerblading through Yarkon Park. The dancers I met yesterday do rollerblade tours in different parts of the city on different days. Today was Yarkon Park. I had already explored the opening of the park and poked around a little, but my new lesbian friends took me in deeper than I ever knew I could get.

We skated the entire length of the park, mostly sticking by the river and passing playgrounds, far more trees than I expected and a restaurant or two. Yarkon Park has a zoo, basketball courts, a baseball diamond, several fountains, places to rent paddle boats, an amphitheater, a large public square, places to rent bicycles, a lake next to the river and a playground with a huge wooden jungle gym. It is a much bigger park than it looks from any of the entrances.

One of the open fields was where Elton John played last night. It looked very different the next day. They are not completely finished tearing everything down, but getting close. Someone said that Elton is playing in Russia tomorrow, so adding more dates here was probably never an option. This might also be the same field where Paul McCartney played in 2008.

The rollerblade tour went into the park's tropical garden, which is like a tiny rainforest, with birds and tropical plants that don't grow in the rest of the park. We also went into the rock garden, which is much larger. It looks like a small desert in the middle of the park. The funny part is, the rainforest and desert are next to each other. And it is all in a city park right next to the Mediterranean.

Every Friday before Shabbat, the Tel Aviv Port hosts a huge farmer's market. It reminded me of Mahane Yehuda before Shabbat, but the farmer's market is new and mostly indoors. Mahane Yehuda is the best place for spices, bread and cheese. The farmer's market had plenty of bread and cheese, but was mostly prepared foods, like potato salad, egg salad, desserts and pasta dishes. Mahane Yehuda is for grandmothers. The farmer's market is for yuppies. They feel different, and I liked them both. One was old Jerusalem. The other was new Tel Aviv.

From the farmer's market, I got some fresh fruit, bread and some old cheese. There was nothing fancy or five star about it. Each component was delicious on its own, but everything worked better together.

This was one of the best meals in Israel so far. When you travel, you go to a lot of restaurants. At least I do. Some restaurants are great. Some are terrible. Most are somewhere in between. You never really know what you might get unless you have been there before. Sometimes a picnic with fresh local food is the best.

This is my last night in Tel Aviv, so I saw my last sunset over the Mediterranean. It looked pretty much the same as the first, but beautiful enough to watch every day. I suppose if I lived here, I would stop watching sooner or later, but I am only here for a few days. A sunset over the Mediterranean is going to impress me every day. We don't get anything like it in Hong Kong.

Shabbat began at sunset, but I hardly noticed. In Jerusalem, you know as soon as Shabbat hits. The city just stops. It is all a little eerie at first, when you watch a city with a million people just close up shop and go home. Large public squares that usually have crowds of people hanging out are suddenly empty. In Tel Aviv, I could not tell the difference. A few restaurants and stores were closed, but most of the places I went were still open. There were as many people out and about on Friday night as there were on Thursday night.

Just after sunset, my new friends took me to a drum circle on the beach. I think it might be the hippiest thing I have ever experienced. There was drumming, dancing and what quickly became a large bonfire. We started with about a dozen people that eventually grew to at least 50. People just wandered in from all directions and joined us. Most of them brought their own drums. Clearly this was a coordinated event. There were also plenty of loaner drums available. Overall, there were a lot of bongos and congas, a few banadir, some claves, tabla, a cabasa or two, timbales, a couple of marching band bass drums and some snares. I was using someone's West African djembe. Those without drums danced around the fire.

Is it legal to have a drum circle on the beach? I don't see why not. Is it legal to build such a large bonfire on the beach? Maybe not. Is it legal to pass around funny smelling cigarettes? I'm guessing no. But I never saw any police on that beach. Had the police broken us up, I would have been safe. It's none of my business what kind of drugs other people take, but I keep all of it out of my body.

After the drum circle broke up on its own, some of us went to Polly, a pub on Rothschild Boulevard, not too far from Catit. This is one of those local neighborhood places where everyone knows each other. I'm not big on pubs, but I guess sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.

There is another drum circle every Friday before Shabbat at a place called Drummer's Beach near the Dolphinarium. As far as I know, it is not affiliated with my drum circle. We started at sunset and went into the night. Theirs ends at sunset, so I assume it starts sometime in the afternoon. It is supposed to be very famous, but I never heard about it until today.

Dinner was pretty late, and at a place called the Tasting Room, which is mostly for tasting wines from Israel and all over the world. They also have a full kitchen. After a few sample glasses, I think I started to taste the difference between wineries. Or at least I told myself I could taste the difference. I was mostly there for the food. Since I don't know anything about wine, I generally assume French is the best. The two best glasses I had tonight were from Israel and South Africa.

The Tasting Room had fancy chefs who made exactly the kind of fancy antipasti you would expect at a wine tasting room. They had a wide variety of cheese and some outstanding toasted sourdough bread with diced vegetables and a boiled egg on top. The rye bruschetta with tomatoes, olives and balsamic vinegar was my favorite.

I'm looking forward to going back to Jerusalem, but I am going to miss Tel Aviv. They are two very different cities. I would not be surprised if they were in different countries, like New York and Los Angeles. I met a few people in one city who would never want to live in the other. I like them both.