I got a small part in a prison movie. My first day on set was the big shower scene. Every movie about women in prison has a shower scene. That's the law. Group showers are probably the least ridiculous option for gratuitous nudity. In prison movies, you have actresses and models, so naturally the studios want them to be as naked as possible. In a real prison, I doubt the women all look their best all the time. They also might not have as much access to the best makeup artists, hairstylists and the most flattering lighting.
High school movies used to always have a locker room scene. Since most of the actors were in their 20s and 30s, they could get as naked as the producers and studios wanted. They don't do that as much anymore. High school actors are still in their 20s and 30s, but the public is not as comfortable watching high school characters get naked. Prison inmates are still allowed since most of the characters should be over 18.
Before we started shooting the big shower scene, all of the actresses were in a large dressing room with a team of makeup artists to make sure we were all as hairless as possible. About a dozen young women were standing around completely naked while older women in smocks shaved, plucked and tweezed everybody. Prison inmates, after all, are nothing if not young, in shape, and immaculately groomed at all times. One of the inmates asked why we all had to be so smooth and the lead makeup artist told us that the director wanted it that way. For some reason, we all showed up to work thinking this was going to be a serious drama. It became mostly obvious that the director wanted to make another women in prison movie.
We all walked onto the shower set wearing robes. This was a union production, so everyone followed union rules. No matter how naked any performer is in front of the camera, they are always covered between takes. That always struck me as funny. In Re-Animator, Barbara Crampton lies naked on an autopsy table while a severed head goes down on her. Obviously, the sex was simulated, and no actor's heads were actually removed from their bodies, but the scene required full frontal nudity while one actor fondled her breasts and another actor put his head between her legs. And yet, in between takes, Barbara Crampton was most likely fully covered for modesty.
The director told every actress to take off the robes before he looked each one of us up and down through his viewfinder. Sitting in a swivel chair, he had one girl turn around and bend over. He dollied himself in for a closeup and practically shoved the viewfinder up her butt. One of the actresses complained that this was all very unprofessional. The director immediately fired her and she rushed off the set, crying. Someone on the crew reminded him that she was the star of the movie. He looked at all of the naked actresses standing in front of him, without the viewfinder, and pointed to another girl, declaring her the new lead.
Eventually, we started to shoot the scene. The director had the camera move in close to each actress, mostly around waist and chest level. There was minimal dialogue in the scene, to be shot later. Today, the director was only interested in T&A coverage. The camera lingered on one girl's breasts for so long while she was lathering up that she started to cry. The director told her not to worry about washing the rest of her body. She should just concentrate on her breasts. That was when she stormed off the set.
When the new star of the movie complained about how the scene was being shot, the director fired her. Rather than cry and storm off, she said a few colorful things about the director and left in anger. He then randomly picked a new star, quite possibly based not on her talent as a thespian, but on the shape of her ass.
The director got wide shots of everyone soaping up and closeups of hands caressing wet, young bodies. Without any dialogue, it felt like we were shooting a soap commercial for HBO. The director put more emphasis on the star, as it should be, but none of them were very comfortable with the extra attention. Each lead actress left the set, one at a time. Some gave up the role voluntarily. Some were fired in anger by the director. Eventually, I was the only one left.
The director told me to soap up my crotch while the camera came in for a closeup. It all seemed pretty seedy to me, but it also dawned on me that I was now the star of this movie, if only by default. I told myself that even though the shower scene was nothing more than softcore porn, the rest of the movie could have some substance. After all, this was only one scene. It could easily be the least remembered scene once award season was over.
The director soon decided that the scene needed to change. No one could disagree with him since what was supposed to be a group shower scene full of inmates was now only one character. Several people behind the camera suggested calling it a day and coming back after hiring more actresses. The director had other ideas. He wanted one of the prison guards to come into the shower and have his way with the inmate, which in this case was me. I never agreed to any scenes like that, but that was when I had a minor role. As the star of the movie, I was going to have to be more open to playing a more difficult part.
None of the actors who played the prison guards were on set that day because we were only scheduled to film the group shower scene. Since no one else was there, the director decided that he would play the guard himself. He had some acting experience, and he was one of the producers, so all of the people who thought it might be a bad idea remained silent. The director took off all of his clothes right there in front of his crew and walked into frame. Someone from makeup wanted to prep him for the shot, but he held his dick and announced that he had everything he needed.
The director immediately had the camera move in to him and he took a lingering closeup of his dick. He ran back and forth from the monitor to check the shot to his mark in front of the camera. It was a simple enough shot. He just stood there with the camera a foot away from his crotch. But he had to check it after each take. He wanted his dick to look just right. I could see that the rest of the crew was more than a little disturbed by his behavior.
When the director was finally ready to move on, he ordered a closeup of his hand grabbing my breast. The director of photography suggested that maybe we should shoot something other than just closeups. That was when the director angrily fired the DP. Someone on the crew asked who was going to work the camera and the director announced that he would do it himself. A director working the camera is not unheard of, but it is rare. A director working the camera while also acting in the scene would be pretty much impossible.
The crew was growing more and more restless and the director gradually fired almost everyone. Soon it was just me, the director and the boom operator. Without any dialogue, the boom operator was the least useful person on set. They could foley in the sound of the shower later. The director decided that he needed another prison guard in the scene. Since there were no other actors available at no notice, and there was no one else on set, he had the boom operator get naked.
In the new shot, I was sandwiched between two naked men, neither of whom were good actors. The director had turned out to be nothing like any of us expected, but at least he knew how to shoot the scene he wanted. His actions were unprofessional, but his attitude was all business. When he was pressed up against the front of my body, I felt that he was more concerned with getting the shot than anything else. The boom operator was a different story. When he pressed up against the back of my body, I only felt his dick getting hard.
When the director checked the monitor, he noticed the boom operator's erection. The director was angry and wanted to fire the boom operator, but there was no one to take his place. He explained that they could get away with limited shots of a flaccid penis, but a hard cock would keep his movie out of any legitimate theater. Despite his unconventional working methods, the director was genuinely interested in making a movie that people might actually see some day.
For the next take, he blocked the shot with my body between the camera and boom operator. I was still between two naked men, but the camera mostly saw the director and me. The boom operator's cock was still throbbing against my butt like there was no tomorrow, but that was hidden from the camera. The director's dick was in full view against my leg, but it was too small and too limp to threaten anyone.
The director wanted a shot of me bending forward with one of the men taking me from behind and the other in front of me getting a simulated blowjob, but he was unsure how to shoot it. If the boom operator was in front of me, it would be difficult to hide his raging erection. Pretending to eat a tootsie roll is a lot easier than pretending to eat a toblerone. To block the shot, the director had the boom operator wait off camera while he stood behind me, holding my hips and making thrusting moves. When he checked the monitor, it looked convincing enough. The director then stood in front of me while I held my fist to my mouth, as if his tiny penis was in it. Either option worked for him.
Blocking the boom operator was both easier and harder. The director could look through the camera, saving time, but neither position worked. When the boom operator stood in front of me, none of us could figure out any way to hide his erection. Hiding it with my hair would only work if it were smaller. Actually holding it would be far too graphic, and probably break more than a few union rules. When the director had the boom operator stand behind me, that only made it harder. If the boom operator stood too far behind me, not only would his erection be in full view, but it would be obvious that it was not touching me. If the boom operator stood too close, his erection would have to rub against me in ways they never warn you about in drama school.
The director made a decision. I would have to bite the bullet and deal with the boom operator's erection, one way or another. The director left it up to me, since the shot worked either way. I could either give the boom operator an unsimulated blowjob on camera while the director pretended to do me from behind or I could give the director a simulated blowjob while the boom operator actually penetrated me from behind. The director, thinking he was being helpful, pointed out that we had plenty of soap on set if I need any artificial lubricants.
Neither option worked for me. In fact, I was now the star of this movie. If the director fired me, he would have to make himself the star, or the boom operator. Since this was a movie about women in prison, that would look absurd. I decided that the shower scene should go back to a simple shower scene as intended, with no male cast, albeit no longer a group shower scene. I could tell that the director really wanted to fire me, but he knew that he could not. He tried to convince me to do the scene with only one prison guard, played by himself, but I held onto my new power. It was my way or a delay for recasting, which would put the production over budget.
That was when a studio executive walked on the set. He was confused, alarmed and more than angry. He screamed at the director even more than the director had screamed at all of the cast and crew he fired. The studio executive told me to put my robe back on and wait in the dressing room. For some reason, all of the fired actresses were there, waiting in their robes. Pretty soon, a fired production assistant came into the dressing room and had us all go out onto the set. The entire crew was back and there was a new director.
The mood was noticeably different and we could all tell that this was a serious movie again. We were still doing the naked shower scene, but it was not nearly as gratuitous, and the new director was not trying to make softcore porn. He took medium shots and kept us mostly with our backs to the camera for most of the wide shots.
Suddenly, the new director cut the take and everyone was a little nervous about what might happen next. He grabbed one of our bars of soap and asked the prop department why we all had brand new soap. He explained that they do not hand out fresh soap to every single prison inmate every single day and he started breaking the bars into smaller pieces. The new director's attention to detail impressed all of us and we knew that this movie was going to be a lot better from now on. My very brief tenure as star of the movie was over, but I was relieved. A small part in a theatrical release is better than the lead in a midnight cable TV production.
Several months later, we were all in Paris for the premiere of the movie. When it was over, the cast went up on stage and the audience started booing and throwing bars of soap at us. One person in the audience stood up to publicly praise the film and everyone else wrapped their soap in towels and beat the hell out of that guy, Full Metal Jacket style. The theater manager told us to sneak out the back exit. When the audience realized that we were trying to escape, they started chasing us.
Outside, we were in black and white and at a train station. We were running away from the mob, except there were more than four of us and we were wearing towels. The old director appeared from around a corner and motioned for us to follow him to safety. All of the other actresses ignored him and continued running away. I was the only one to go with the old director. Safe from the angry mob, I was in an abandoned warehouse. The old director took me to the only well lit corner of the warehouse, where I immediately noticed a shower room set, lights and a camera. The boom operator was there, naked and as hard as ever. The director told me we were finally going to get the shot right. Instead of a having a choice, he wanted to shoot both versions. My only option, the old director told me, was whether I wanted the boom operator in front of me first or behind me first. The old director wanted to shoot the blowjob first to get it out of the way because he was convinced the boom operator would ejaculate on camera, and coming inside me would be less messy than coming on my face.
I looked around the dark warehouse, but there was no new director. There were no studio executives. There was not even a hint of the angry mob outside. We were alone.
The director called action.
wow is this a dream or a fantasy?
ReplyDeleteIt is clearly marked as a dream.
ReplyDelete