The Dating Kingdom

Frozenland
Coming 2020

Marvel Land
2023

Back when I worked at Disneyland, one of the performers had a crush on me. I thought nothing of it at first since almost all of the men in the entertainment division are gay. It turns out, he is not. But I had a boyfriend at the time, so it never made any difference. We kept in touch when he left for another job. We talked on the phone from time to time and got together in groups, but we never spent any time alone, just the two of us.

During a recent phone call, we talked about acting and the theater. I'm going to call him Russell, after Russell Crowe, because he takes his thespian career a little too seriously and they are both Australian. Russell casually asked me how my boyfriend was doing. I mentioned that he just got a promotion at work and that we were no longer together. Russell's face lit up, at least as far as I could assume over the phone. He immediately asked me out on a date. I always knew that he used to have a crush on me, but I assumed that he moved on.

I said yes. If I was diving back into the dating pool, I reasoned, I might as well say yes to someone I have known for a few years. Dating can easily destroy a friendship, but we were never great friends anyway. We had things to talk about, mostly acting, and I knew a lot more about him than most dates.

Russell suggested we go to Disneyland. I was thinking dinner and a show, but under the circumstances, Disneyland made sense. We both used to work there and he had never been back since he quit. I would never go there on a blind date or with someone I just met. Once in the park, you are basically stuck with that person all day. I already knew Russell, so that was not a problem. It made even more sense when he suggested that since he suggested it, he should pay for it. When we worked there, we could always get in for free. Now, Disneyland is ridiculously expensive.

At most Disneyland parks, the rides are jam packed and people go to the live shows while waiting for something else. In China, the theaters are full and some of the ride lines move quickly. Russell considers himself a serious actor, and has left his frivolous days as a Disney performer behind him, but he wanted to see at least one stage show while we were there.

We saw Mickey and the Wondrous Book at the Storybook Theater. Russell did not recognize anyone in the cast. The turnover rate is pretty high at Disneyland. I struggled to think of anyone who might still be working from his time. I was the last person he kept in contact with, and I left a year ago.

After the show, we went on a few rides, but Hong Kong Disneyland is the smallest Disney park in the world. You can easily do it all in a short day. That might be one of the reasons the shows are so popular. Still, Disneyland is a great place for a date. Everything and everyone around you is happy and it's a nice, wholesome place to spend the day.

Unless your date makes it creepy.

Standing in line for it's a small world, Russell revealed more than I wanted to know.

“You know what I've always wanted to do on this ride?” he asked me. “Get a blowjob.”

Small World is not a dark ride. It's a “dark ride”, but it is not dark. You can clearly see the other people in your boat and the boats ahead of you. There are no rides at Hong Kong Disneyland where you can do anything like that. I would never want to anyway. Not on a first date or a thousandth date. When I go to Disneyland, I want to see children having the time of their lives, not horny dudes getting their poles waxed.

I tried not to overreact. After all, he did not ask me to do anything untoward on the ride. He merely pointed out one of his fantasies. Maybe someday he will meet a girl inconsiderate enough to do something like that around children. Or maybe he will grow up.

Most of the rides at Disneyland are perfect for children or adults with broken heads. Disneyland has always been more about the fantasy environment than roller coasters. As long as Russell kept it in his pants, we could easily enjoy the park. Then he wanted to go on Space Mountain.

My doctor told me not to get on any roller coasters for a few months, but that was a few months ago. Eventually, he told me that I would know when I was ready. I suppose after the medical restrictions passed, it was purely psychological. Hong Kong Disneyland only has two roller coasters, so it was always going to be a safe place, but now I had to make a decision.

Russell knew about my car accident, and even though I never got into any real detail with him, he knew why I was wearing a hat. Unlike a previous date, he never complained about it. But he wanted to go on Space Mountain, and he wanted me to go with him.

I used to love going fast. I have been to Valleyfair in Shakopee a million times. I would ride the roller coasters as much as possible, lines permitting, especially Renegade, Wild Thing and High Roller. I don't know if I could do Mad Mouse anymore. Corkscrew would be out. I don't think anyone has ever ridden that without banging their head.

I went ahead and said yes to Space Mountain. I figured the pitch dark of the ride would be on my side, even though I have a problem with darkness. My greater concern was all the rolling and coasting. At the beginning of the ride, when it's slowly moving through the space port, or whatever that is supposed to be, I had second thoughts. What would I do if this happened? How would I handle that? It was too late to do anything about it. I was trapped.

The ride was determined to go ahead whether I liked it or not. As it turned out, I liked it. Nothing popped inside my head, but I had to close my eyes most of the time. Not because it was a fast ride, but because it was dark. Opening my eyes in the dark bothers me more than high speed dips and turns. There are no real dips on Space Mountain and the turns were never too fast.

Russell was encouraged by my lack of medical emergencies and wanted to hit the other roller coaster. Fortunately, we had all of Adventureland between the two.

The Jungle River Cruise has English and Chinese options. I recommended the Chinese since the English cast members are not necessarily as comfortable delivering the jokes in a foreign language. Timing is important in comedy. You have to really know the language. Those who are still learning English tend to rush through their script. “Knock knock who's there ghost ghost who ghost spooky boo ha ha.” The Chinese jokes are a different style, but they are delivered properly.

Russell wanted English because he knows precious little Chinese, but the English line was twice as long as the Chinese, for some reason. It is almost always the opposite. We went with Chinese, not that it made any difference. If you have been on the ride, you know pretty much what they are going to say – Schweitzer Falls, ginger snaps, two of his heads for one of yours, lions can jump 20 feet, apes find bananas appealing, etc.

Next to Adventureland is Grizzly Gulch, Hong Kong's version of Frontierland. The only ride in Grizzly Gulch, and the other roller coaster in the park, is Big Grizzly Mountain Runaway Mine Cars, Hong Kong's version of Big Thunder Mountain. It's slower than Space Mountain, but about halfway through the ride, it stops and moves backward. If you have never been on it, it's pretty sneaky how they do it. After riding backward for a while, it stops again and pauses for a few seconds. If it's your first time, they want you to think it has broken down. If you have been on it before, you know exactly what is going to happen. When it starts up again, it shoots away much faster than before. They are called runaway cars for a reason.

I wanted to go on it. It is arguably one of the best non-New Orleans Square rides at any Disney park, and sometimes my favorite in Hong Kong. Most parks have no New Orleans Square, but for some reason, Hong Kong does not even have a Haunted Mansion or Pirates of the Caribbean. I can understand the Haunted Mansion for cultural reasons, but those Mighty Pirates movies were popular in China.

Since nothing bad happened on Space Mountain, I took the plunge and went on Grizzly Mountain. I already knew about the surprise twist, so there were no surprises. Other than the fact that going fast backward did not bother me at all.

After spending a wholesome day at the happiest place in South China, Russell wanted to go back to my place and do decidedly unwholesome things.

“The perfect way to end a perfect day,” he said.

I said no. We left the park together, but ended our date at the Kowloon MTR station.

I will probably go out with him again if he asks. There were a couple of creepy moments, but I don't know what issues he is dealing with in his head. I can't assume he is a raging pervert. Maybe he has simply not gotten laid in a while. I used to think he was gay. Obviously, I don't know anything about his sex life.

Overall, it was a good day.

Bras Bas

After six months off, I finally went back to work. My brain was ready a long time ago, but my body is still not ready to dance again. I'm working on it, but in the meantime, I needed a job. Since those who can't do, teach, I'm now teaching ballet to children.

There has been a surge in dance schools over the last few years. I don't know why. Someone told me it was because of that Black Swan movie, but that was not much of a hit here, and I doubt it would have inspired very many children anyway. There was also that Ballerina cartoon last year, but I don't even know if that played in China. If it's not Disney or DreamWorks, don't expect to see it on screen.

I was offered a teaching job a few years ago, but I was busy at the time. And that was for adults. I don't really like the idea of teaching an adult class. Adults are not as serious, they miss more classes and it is more of a hobby than something they have a deep, internal drive to do.

Children are just better students, in general. They are used to being students all day, so whatever classes they take after school are just more of the same. Adults have to shift their focus and that can be hard to do when you are set in your old routine.

For the most part, children show up for every class. They usually don't have any choice. Their parents make them go, whether the children want to take the class or not. Adults can skip a class whenever they want, often for no reason at all. They simply don't feel like going. Children almost never have that luxury.

I also prefer students who take it seriously. I'm sure every teacher does, and I'm just as sure that I will lighten up after a while, but I would much rather have a student who wants to be the next great dancer than someone who is just killing time before their favorite TV show starts. If you want to be the best dancer the world has ever known, you have to start exceptionally young. Most students will never become great, and I'm not good enough to teach the best, but it is a million times easier to teach someone who has a burning desire to learn than someone who could not care less.

When it comes to ballet, most students will drop out. That is the way it is and that is the way it should be. Ballet is not for everyone. It is hard work in the beginning and even harder when you start to understand what you are doing. Even if you love it, you might not be right for the part. I wanted to be a ballerina when I was younger. I took as many classes as I could and I busted my butt, and more than a few toes. I had that burning desire. I was simply not good enough to be the principal or even the coryphée. At most, on my best day, I could join the corps.

Fortunately, there are other forms of dance. One of my first ballet teachers suggested I study lyrical and/or jazz. I can't be sure, but I suspect she knew I was never going to be a ballerina, but thought I had some potential somewhere. I was only a child, but in a lot of ways, she saved my career. I hope I can do the same for some of my students some day. I would be surprised if any of them become ballerinas in the distant future, but maybe one or two might become professional dancers. Even if they are terrible, I don't want to be the one who dashes their dreams. In life, there are always plenty of people waiting in the wings to do that.

Festive Lanterns 5

Everyone likes dolphins.

Dolphins, as everyone knows, play the piano upside down.

Their flippers are terrible for a drum set, but they are great with congas.

Festive Lanterns 4

I heard somewhere that owls are especially lucky. They are also popular lanterns.

Magic owls

Violin owl. Why not?

Festive Lanterns 3

Other animals are always popular in lantern form. I don't know why there were so many birds.

Birds guarding the castle.

Dancing birds.

It's a little known fact that birds use snail drawn carriages when tired.

Festive Lanterns 2

There were a lot of dog lanterns. Most of them were pretty straightforward. A few were kind of weird.

The theme is love, but since it's a bunch of dogs running around, I assume they mean platonic love of animals. Although there is that guy in the corner trying to get it on with a bear. I don't know what that's about.

Don't all dogs love to take bubble baths in a turtle shell?

This just seems to be a mix of various brown animals.

Festive Lanterns

I never went out on March 2nd, the actual day of the Lantern Festival, but I braved the crowds the day before and looked around some of the preview areas.

There were a lot of Snoopy lanterns, partly because copyright and trademark laws mean nothing around here and partly because this is the year of the dog.

Snow White and the Seven Anthropomorphic Woodland Animals.

This was labeled as Cinderella's horse, but I always thought her Fairy Godmother turned several mice into horses and her actual horse into the stagecoach driver.

Avatar might not seem like it has anything to do with ancient Chinese history, but the computer animation used Chinese locations for some of the landscape images and China has always had dragons.

Another Snoopy. This one was decorated by the designer of a little girl's bedroom in the 1970s, apparently.

Lantern Festival 2018

Chinese New Year started on February 16. There were parades through Tsim Sha Tsui and lion dances at just about every shopping center. I never planned on going to see the fireworks over Victoria Harbour, but they were canceled this year as a show of respect for a bus accident on February 10th in Tai Po. One of the deadliest car accidents in Hong Kong's history, it killed 19 people and injured 65. Most of the time I feel like a foreigner here, but I was a proud Hongkonger when the lines at the Red Cross went around the block and they had to stay open late because so many people wanted to donate blood.

I have mostly avoided the New Year crowds this year. China is a loud place at any given time, but downright intolerable during the New Year. Between the music blasted at full volume, the officials screaming into loudspeakers at full volume, the salesmen screaming for everyone to buy their wares at full volume, and the people screaming into their phones at full volume, I have to wonder if the Chinese are so loud in public because they are going deaf or if they are going deaf because they are so loud in public. It would be a nice time to live in Hong Kong with ear plugs.

But I do go outdoors from time to time. At this time of year, New Year decorations are unavoidable. Some of them are amazing. It's all about bright colors. March 2nd is the Lantern Festival. In addition to bright lights, bright lions, bright dragons and bright dogs, there are bright red and gold lanterns everywhere. Some bring wealth for the new year. Some bring good health. They all bring good luck. Every fortune teller, fortune stick and fortune card says nothing but good things will happen to you in the coming year. No one ever seems to have bad luck. At least not until after the year starts. None of the lucky signs ever warned me that last year would suck.

I might go out and brave the crowds on Friday. I like the lanterns. It is the noise I'm dreading. But, if nothing else, I have to find out how rich and healthy I will be this year.

Hong Kong By Phone part 2

Even when I meant to take pictures while I was out, I mostly forgot about my phone camera. I'm just not used to photographing train stations I use all the time and streets I have walked a million times. I'm going to have to force myself if I want to take more phone photographs. Phonographs? That's already taken. Telegraphs?

Lily and I had some free time on Saturday. She thought it would be a good idea to go to some of the parks I don't get out to very often. When you take your daily walks in the same place all the time, it gets tedious. Hong Kong has more than enough parks to keep it interesting. Most of them require spending time on the MTR.

We went to the Hung Hom Promenade in the morning. That is a neighborhood I rarely go to, and the small promenade has nice views of Kowloon Bay and the East Harbour rather than the usual Wan Chai and Tsim Sha Tsui. There is some construction around one of the hotels right now, blocking a few paths to get to the promenade, but the promenade itself is unscathed.

Hung Hom Promenade, Whampoa

You can easily see the new cruise terminal at the old airport from the promenade. Something I discovered about my phone is that the pictures look terrible when you zoom.

Kai Tak Cruise Terminal

We took the MTR from Whampoa to Lok Fu, which is six or seven stops. The green light shows where we are, between the second and third stop. The red lights show where the train goes. The white lights show the interchange to the Tsuen Wan line and the fastest way to get from Whampoa to Central. It's all very simple and informative. I don't know why people think it is confusing.

A great thing about the Kwun Tong line is that it's not nearly as crowded as some of the others. There would be a dozen heads in this picture if it were the Tsuen Wan, Tung Chung, West, East or Island lines.

MTR Kwun Tong green line

It's an easy walk from the Lok Fu station to the Kowloon Walled City Park, which does not look like this anymore.

Kowloon Walled City

From exit A, turn right and make a left on Junction Road. That is where the street ends, so you can't miss it. Walk down Junction Road for a few minutes until you see a playground. Either keep going until you see the entrance on the left or turn left at the playground, Tung Tau Tsuen Road, to one of the entrances on the right.

The signs in the station tell you to take exit B to go to the Walled City Park. If you follow those signs, you will go to the bus stop, which is fine if you want to take the bus. Walking out of the station from the bus stop is complicated if you don't know the area. Exit A is signed and simple.

Kowloon Walled City Park

The Walled City mostly looks like this now, which I think is a vast improvement.

Mountain View Pavilion, Kowloon Walled City Park

Two stops from Lok Fu is Diamond Hill. Right next to the station is the Nan Lian Garden and Chi Lin Nunnery. Both are open to the public, free and beautiful places to pretend you are not surrounded by a city of 7 million people.

Hall of Celestial Kings and Sakyamuni Buddha Hall, Chi Lin Nunnery

This is a working temple, so there are rules and restrictions, but Buddhists tend to be pretty forgiving. Unless you eat in front of one of the Buddha statues. They don't like that.

Lotus Pond Garden, Chi Lin Nunnery

Chi Lin and Nan Lian are a small bridge apart. The garden also has rules, mostly about not feeding the fish. They don't even want you to have a snack near the pond, which is understandable. I'm sure people feed the fish all kinds of poisonous crap.

Blue Pond, Nan Lian Garden

The Pavilion of Absolute Perfection has kind of an arrogant name, and is too gold for my tastes, but it looks nice in the middle of all that green.

Pavilion of Absolute Perfection, Nan Lian Garden

Lotus Pond, Nan Lian Garden

I think this might be the first video I have ever taken with this camera. Taking pictures with a phone is strange enough. Taking video phone videos is too science fiction for me.

Chinese Timber Architecture Gallery, Nan Lian Garden

Kwun Tong is close to the cruise terminal and a few quick stops from Diamond Hill. It is also an authentically Hong Kong neighborhood. When I took this picture, a few people stared at me and then stared at the street below the walkway, probably wondering what on earth I was looking at.

Kwun Tong, near Tung Yan St

We went back to Hung Hom for dinner. Food is everywhere in Hong Kong, but the Whampoa shopping area is ridiculous. If you ate at a different restaurant for every meal, it would take years to make your way through it all.

Taku St, near Hung Hom Pancakes

Above all the restaurants and shopping malls are thousands of apartments, instead of the usual office buildings and more shopping. The shopping malls are mostly underground.

Bulkeley St at Taku St

Some apartments are nicer than others.

Hung Hom Rd at Tak On St

We had dinner near one of the last phone booths in the city. There are probably others somewhere, but I can't think of any. Why would anyone use a phone booth in this day and age? For the Wi-Fi, of course.

Man Tai St, near a Wellcome

Hong Kong By Phone part 1

My new phone has a camera, just like everyone else's phone. But I almost never use it as a camera. Taking pictures with my phone is still strange to me. Even when I see something I might want to photograph, it rarely occurs to me to use my phone.

On Friday, I was headed to Sheung Wan and for whatever reason, I realized I had a camera in my purse. Before taking the MTR, I went to the West Kowloon Waterfront Promenade. It's a nice looking waterfront park, but they are redecorating for the New Year, so some of it is closed off and there are cones and tape everywhere.

West Kowloon Waterfront Promenade

The park borders the Yau Ma Tei Typhoon Shelter off the west coast of Kowloon. The typhoon shelter is easily visible from the ICC, Kowloon Station, the Arch, the Cullinan and my apartment, which is in none of those astronomically expensive buildings. But I can see it in this picture.

Yau Ma Tei Typhoon Shelter

Kowloon Station, Cullinan, Arch, ICC

You have to cross a busy street to get to the MTR from Nursery Park.

Western Harbour Crossing

Once inside, there might be a few people. Especially on a Friday. Or Saturday. Or Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

Kowloon Station

Two MTR stops later, I was in Sheung Wan. I was picking up some snacks. This is exactly the kind of street that has some of the best snacks in Hong Kong.

Wing Wo St, just off Des Voeux Rd Central

From Des Voeux Rd, you are going to pass the Grand Millennium Plaza to get to the MTR. At least if you are on that side of the station, exit E2, I think. I was just passing through, and I remembered about my camera, and they always have one holiday display or another. I'm not really sure why anyone would go there otherwise.

Grand Millennium Plaza, Sheung Wan